Ultamite Chapter 5: Questions

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|Note| At this point, I feel I need to make major changes to previous chapters, going as far as to even remove some completely. If a change it made, it will begin here. I feel as if during this chapter the story did certain things I didn't want it too. This chapter is no longer an active part of the story, or to be considered a part of it until further notice |Note|


I awoke in shock. The room was quiet as I examined it with curiosity. From what I could tell I was in log cabin. In fact everything was made of wood. The table next to me with a lit candle, the desk in the corner at the foot of the bed, the dresser next to the door. It was odd that someone would still have a log house. I grew up in a village where every house was made of stone. I'd never even seen an actual wooden house before.

The door opened and there stood a girl staring me down with intent. Her long blond hair covered her left eye as she leaned up against the door and continued to stare at me.

"Well?" Her voice was exactly how I imagined it based on her fragile appearance.

"Well...what?"

"No questions? No jumping up in fear and trying to hit me over the head with a candle or desk? You're welcome to try if you still want."

"I think I'll just stay laying down thanks."

"Smart boy. How are you feeling?"

"I could be better. What happened?"

"We found you down in the caverns. Nasty scene and you were barley alive but here you are."

"We?"

"My mother and father. We were looking for the Ultamite you see. My fathers a blacksmith."

"Wait what happened to everyone else? The group I was traveling with?"

"Sorry. You were the only one there. You made quite a mess of the Ultamite though. Shattered it into pieces."

I looked down and tried to recap what happened. Digging deep into my memories to try to find even a glimpse of what might have happened when finally something came to me. I remember right before I passed out something touched my hand. I was laying on the ground with my hand opened. Someone put something in my hand but what was it?

"What did you find on my body?"

"A couple of daggers, bows and arrows, and some necklace was in your hands."

"Where is it? Can I see it?"

"All your stuff is in that dresser. I'll let you get changed into something more decent. You'll also find some clothes in the dresser to wear. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Don't be late or mother won't let you eat at all." She closed the door and I was left alone once again. The room felt different. Even though I was in a strange place with tons of questions left unanswered I still felt at home.


I changed into the clothes left for me by the young girl and her family. They were much nicer then cloth we had at village. It was made out of a very comfortable material. Cotton maybe? A black long sleeve shirt along with some tan shorts completely the simple outfit. I searched through the other drawers hoping to find my belongings.

Sure enough my old clothes as well as my bow and arrows and Alora's daggers rested in the bottom of the last drawer. I pocketed the daggers and left the bow and arrows on the top of the dresser. I search again and again and still couldn't find the necklace the girl spoke of. Could it be Alora's necklace? Did she give it to me just before I blacked out?

Once ready I headed out the bedroom door not sure what I would find. It was quite amazing. Swords and other weapons hung from the walls. Each with a name and description underneath them. A table not too far in front of me was covered in food. A feast fit for a king. Three people set around it. The girl from before and who I assumed was her mother and father.

A burly man with a small beard sat at the head of the table. His sword set next to his fork which was pointing right at me. The girl from before set to his left and another beautiful woman set across from her. I assumed it was her mother, sharing the same blond hair and facial features. They all stared at me for just a minute, the mother breaking the silence.

"Please sit down and eat with us." Her voice was soothing and it comforted me reminding me of my own mother. I followed her command and walked over to sit beside the girl from before.

"Wait just one moment." The man spoke with a deep voice paralyzing me. "These ladies might trust you but I do not. I will keep this blade pointing at you the whole time you are here. Make one mistakes, threaten us, or give me any reason to mistrust you and you're dead got it?"

"Yes sir." I tried to hide my fear but I could tell it wasn't working.

"Leave him alone Dad. You are so paranoid. Hi my name is Vlora."

"I'm Melina, and this is my husband Jory." She looked over at him and gave him a look which he was obviously cautious of.

"Sit down and eat boy before all our food gets cold." I sat down nervously and couldn't help but watch the sword pointed right at me.

"Put that away Jory the poor child can't even eat he's so scared."

"It's fine ma'am. You have reason to mistrust me and I would do no differently in his shoes. I apologize for my rudeness. My name is Riley and I am very grateful that you let me into your home and for this meal you've made."

"Oh what manners. See Jory he isn't a rotten treasure hunter like you thought."

"Mom, he can hear you."

"I am sorry I did not mean to offend you." She said sincerely while handing me a biscuit.

"It's no trouble. You don't mind if I ask a few questions while we eat do you?"

"I imagine you have many questions Riley. Feel free to ask as many as you like." Melina was the spitting image of my mother. While they didn't share the same appearance her manner reminded me so much of her. I began to miss her.

"What exactly happened in the caverns?"

"Well we were looking for the Ultamite and we came across you lying face first on the cave floor surrounded by pieces of Ultamite and a huge hole in the cave wall." Vlora took a bite out of her chicken and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

"Vlora, use a cloth. We found you with these terrible wounds on your left hand and back. It took a while but I used some healing magic and cured your back right up. For some reason I couldn't get your hand to heal fully so I wrapped it up in some bandages."

"You're a mage?"

"Yes. Jory is a blacksmith in Bezage. We were looking for the Ultamite like Vlora said and we found it along with you."

"So you have some of the Ultamite? I was with a group and we were also looking for the Ultamite."

"Not a treasure hunter are you?"

"No sir. Just a group of my friends." I tried my best to lie and I think he believed me for the moment. I guess I'd be dead if he didn't.

"We got a ton of Ultamite! Jory is gonna start trying to make some weapons out of it tomorrow. It's quite the discovery. We'll be able to sell those weapons for 100,000g a piece!" Melina got a little excited and knocked a plate onto the floor.

"See what you did Melina? Getting all fired up again." Jory and Melina stood up from the table and began to clean up the mess.

"Father I'm finished with my food. Can I show Riley around the land?"

"Fine Vlora, but keep an eye out. I still don't trust him."

Vlora stood up from the table and motioned me to follow her outside. If they would have told me I wouldn't believe it. As I opened the door outside I could see for miles. This little log cabin was on the mountain top overlooking Bezage and for miles beyond it. The sun was rising over the horizon and made the valley below glow orange.

"This is amazing. I can't believe you live here."

"Yea, we're pretty lucky."

"So, why do you live in a log cabin all the way up here?"

"Dad says it's safer up here. The log cabin was his grandfathers and he swore he'd never tear it down to replace it with 'one of them modern day stone pieces of dung' or so he said. Come on let me show you the smithy." Vlora grabbed my hand and pulled me around the other side of the house and into a smithy. The Ultamite ore could be seen in a huge pile not far from the furnace.

"The ore."

"Yea, it took us years to find it. This is gonna make us a fortune. It's the most powerful potent ore in the world. I can't wait for my sword to get finished."

"He is making you a sword? You are a fighter?"

"Is that shocking to you? Did you think a defenseless little girl would go into the Vestiges Caverns?"

"I suppose you don't look like a fighter. Especially not with a sword."

"Would you like to try and fight me and test that theory?"

"I prefer a bow to a sword so no."

"I saw that bow of yours. You had some daggers too. Did they belong to you?" When Vlora said this I lowered my head and reached into my pocket to hold the daggers.

"No. They are a friends."

"Someone in the cavern that day?"

"Yea. Hey you said you found a necklace but it wasn't in the dresser."

"I put all your belongings in there. Maybe I dropped it or something."

"I should go look for it." I turned away from Vlora and walked back into the house.

"Wait, you can't go yet!" Vlora burst into the front door to stop me. Jory and Melina were standing by the table staring at us.

"What's going on Vlora?" Jory walked over to her.

"He is trying to leave."

"But you just got here Riley. Your arm hasn't healed." Melina said walking over to me.

"I know but I lost something very important to me in that cavern. I have to go back and get it." I walked into the room where my supplies were and put my bow and arrows on my back ready to leave the cabin.

"Please just wait until tomorrow." Vlora was standing in the door.

"Why are you so adamant that I stay?"

"If you wait till tomorrow my father will make you a weapon out of the Ultamite."

"What? Are you serious? Why is he willing to use some of the Ultamite on me?"

"We have more then we know what to do with, besides we kind of -- we followed you into the caverns. You are the only reason we even have the Ultamite."

"That's not creepy."

"Do you want the weapon or not?"

"Of course I do."

"Then go to bed. Tomorrow morning he'll start on the weapons."

"Thank you Vlora."

"No, thank you Riley." She closed the door and their was an eerie silence. I placed my things back in the dresser and lied down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a while before finally leaning over and blowing out the candle beside me. That night I had another strange dream. This time Alora was being chased by a wolf and I ran out of arrows and I couldn't save her. The wolf tore her apart.

I didn't know what it meant and I was still confused about what has happened. These strangers were being so nice to me. It wasn't that odd I suppose but I couldn't help but feel uneasy. All my questions could wait till tomorrow when I would return to the place where I last saw her. I would find them. They couldn't be dead. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that. What was I chosen to do? What power did that voice mean? I didn't feel any different. Whatever the cost, I had to find the answers. No matter what the sacrifice.


Chapter 6
Lights
Last edited by Derek on Thu Aug 19, 2010 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Derek wrote:I awoke in shock. The room was quiet as I examined it with curiosity. From what I could tell I was a in log cabin. In fact everything was made of wood. The table next to me with a lit candle, the desk in the corner at the foot of the bed, the dresser next to the door. It was odd that someone would still have a log house. I grew up in a village where every house was made of stone. I'd never even seen an actual wooden house before.


The red part is a bit confusing. I would go with either, foot of the bed or in the corner.

Derek wrote:"Sit down and eat, boy, before all our food gets cold." I sat down nervously and couldn't help but watch the sword pointed right at me.


I like the dialogue here. It's very interactive. I would have to say it needs more description. You have the character interactions, but I felt like it needed more descriptions of the people and the setting. There were also a few places where it felt random. Like when Riley says he needs to find the necklace and just starts to walk. That was a little odd to me and felt disconnected from the story. I think having more interaction might help that. There was a similar instance when Melina knocked over the food. I kinda felt like we were randomly going outside.

Overall I can see the direction this chapter was pushing, but I think it was rushed. It felt rushed anyway. Take you're time in all this talk about the necklace. Let's really examine the situation Riley is in. He's with strangers, he has no idea what happened to his companions and he's also finding out these people were following him. I would like to see some more response to the situation. He seems a little unrealistic about it. More inner thoughts would help. Let us see the inner workings of what his mind is saying in opposition to his actual words. Letting us see how he's trying to hide his treasure hunter status along with figure out his next move.

Hope that helps and isn't just me rambling.
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective




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I am totally entranced in your novel. It is great, and very exciting. I have noticed that you weren't cutting your sentences so short like you were in chapter one and so on. Any way, great job!
Laugh, Smile, Have Some Fun, You Only Live Once!

People say the pen is mightier than the sword, but I don't know, a sword can actually kill you while a pen can just hurt your feelings...



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