Shifters: Chapter 3 part 2

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Here it is! Chapter 6 has been unleashed! :lol:
Enjoy :D



Chapter 6

Leaning against the refrigerator, I let myself slide to the floor. Once I sat, Abby came over to me, her tail wagging excitedly. Absently, I extended my hand to pat her golden hair as I stared into space.

This is all too much. First the stone thingy, then the Shifter guys and then Anthony doing… And me… No, this wasn’t the time to think about that. I looked at Abby, who I’d just noticed was whining. She’d probably missed me, if I’d really had been gone for an entire day. “I’m sorry girl” I gave her an apologetic hug before getting up.

“Wanna go for a walk?” From her loud bark, I took it for a yes. I hurried around the house, grabbing a coat and some other things. Two minutes later, I was out the door, Abby on my heels. We walked for a short time, in the midst of the trees – that looked creepy in the darkness of the night – until we arrived to our destination. A big oak tree.

Sure, it sounds silly, but it was my spot. It was one of the biggest trees in the area, and I’d made it officially mine the first time I’d climbed it. Here, I could think, be alone, admire the view and so much more. I stood in front of it, scanning up and down. There wasn’t much wind, so the climb would be okay.

I glanced to Abby, who took her cue and laid down. If she wanted, she’d go walk around, but she would always come back. She was such a smart dog.

I stepped closer to the tree’s trunk. Grabbing hold of the wooden planks that were nailed to the tree, I started climbing. About halfway up, there were no more planks; however, the branches were close enough at this point to climb them. Thank goodness for my gymnastics classes when I was a kid.

Some time later, I reached the height I wanted. It was few feet below the tree top and a couple meters higher than my own house. Also, since this tree was higher than the majority, it gave a perfect view of the area, that is, on the other side of where I was. Most of the night had passed, so by the looks of it – plus a quick glance to my watch – the sun would rise in not long.

I managed myself around the tree, and moved slowly towards the huge plank installed there. This spot had four branches that grew apart, but converged afterwards, making small pit, so it was easy to nail a plank on top. I could sit down while leaning against the tree this way. So I did, and then sighed in contentment. I always felt so comfortable here, like I was queen of this castle. You know what I mean.

Finally installed, I put on my IPod and let songs play on random, although I was really paying any attention to my music. A cool breeze flew by, smelling like the autumn that it was. I sighed again. Now, I can think.

So I let my thoughts flow at first, simply recalling everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. So much had happened. Then, I reflected on it all. I literally went over every detail that needed my attention, but only one kept going back and forth in my head. What am I going to do now?

There were only two options: join them or don't. I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the headache that was building from my deep brainstorming. Maybe lowering the blazing music in my ears might help. I was about to, when the song changed and I heard Linkin Park's Leave out all the rest. I decided to listen to it, singing in my mind the lyrics.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know


Huh. Funny how I always seemed to find songs that fit with how I was feeling. The song was right though, as weird as it is to say. I was getting the opportunity of a lifetime. Plus, with the way they were talking, I was going to be involved in this one way or another, so I'd rather embrace this....gift. So I'd finally taken a decision.
I was going to become a Shifter.

* * * *

The next day, I'd made my way back to the mansion, to tell them what I'd decided, and was greeted by an awkward looking Anthony and an impassive Ben. Barely in the door, they ushered me towards the office, where some freak was waiting for me. His name was Mr Creepy, as per me. Tall British guy, mid-forties, bald spot on his head, weird looking spectacles while wearing an Armani suit. But it was his smile, the one of an old perverted man, that really freaked me out. The minute he'd looked at me, I'd felt as if I was completely naked. Even Anthony seemed to feel my unease, since he came closer to me, kind of blocking me off from Mr Creepy.

"I would keep your eyes in your head, Peterson, or you might lose them." He snapped angrily.

Peterson sneered. "You dare to threaten me boy? Do take notice that I could have you out of the Knights with a snap of my fingers." he gestured what he said.

"Your head would hit the floor before you even lifted a finger, I'd make sure of it."

"Gentlemen," Ben interjected "please, let us calm down. Our meeting today is to contract our newest member, not to indulge ourselves in testosterone."

I might've laughed, if it wasn't for the first part of what he said that clicked in. "Newest member? I haven't even told you yet I was going to join in."

He looked at me with a slight smile. "Forgive me for assuming, then. But rarely has anyone ever refused...and lived to tell the tale. I judged you smart enough to make the better choice."

"And if I'd refused?" I stated harshly.

"You wouldn't have," he chuckled. Arrogant know-it-all jerk. "Now," he gestured to the four seats " shall we get this over with?"

We all agreed, and went to sit. Peterson sat in the desk chair, facing the three that were on the other side. I sat in the middle chair, the other two on either side. Peterson took out papers from the briefcase he'd been holding and installed them on the desk in front of me. It was some kind of contract. I glanced up and noticed that Peterson had become all serious. I guess he was a career first kind of man.

"Now," he started "they have vouched that you are indeed a Galäbriel Knight. This is obviously a first for us all, but the Council as agreed to give you a chance. They will however be looking very deeply into this, of that you can be sure. Therefore, if you accept, you will be put on a customary one year probation time, of which you can leave at any given period, if you wish to. During your probation time, you will be trained, by your peers, to become a Knight. Fighting with and without your abilities, the use of weapons, basic politic notions, necessary knowledge of history and every fundamental information on mythical creatures will be taught to you. Once your probation is expired, you will be required to meet with the Council, in which time they will determine whether you are suitable or not. But that will all be in due time.

There are a few rules, however. Firstly, any and every means necessary must be used to annihilate any demonic, or other, threats. You will be notified to any possible or real danger in your area, by the Council itself, and must thereby take action on that terrorization. Killing any colleague or Council member, however, is strictly prohibited.

Secondly, what the Council says, goes. You never disrespect their rules. Ever. Any disregard will be highly punished, and possibly even expulsion can occur.

Thirdly, in no way, are you to divulge any of this information to anyone what so ever, excluding family, of course. No advertising of yourself, either. We do not exist. Never have. You will be paid for your services, of course, but any payment that has been flagged by anyone - and I do mean anybody - will be dealt with by the Council. You mustn't worry over such things.

Fourthly, alcohol and drugs are tolerated, although drugs not legally, during working hours. Meaning, always. The reason being in case you need the use of them for an undercover mission. However, you must never consume above your limits, therefore rendering yourself incapable of proper use of any or all of your abilities.

Point five, you also agree with this," he motioned towards the contract "that once your kin bare your abilities, to become a fulltime Council member, until death takes you, of course. And last, but not least, if the odds happen to not be in your favour, you must be willing to surrender yourself for the greater good. Losing is not an option in this. Your loss will be mourned, but it must and will be done, if needed."

He took a pen out of his pocket and handed it to me. "So, Miss Evans, if you will, please sign on the dotted line."
Last edited by Spitfire on Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".




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When I received your PM, I was all "Yay! Shifters! Shifters!" I love the way you put the mood in perfectly.

I'm not really good at criticizing and my grammar's far from perfect but I do have a question. In the second to the last paragraph, "that once your kin bare your abilities..." what does that mean exactly or was the bare a typo?

I think this chapter went a bit faster than usual, but maybe that's just me and my lack of sleep.

Keep up the good work!!!
Repensum est canicula.

Veni, vidi, nates calce concidi!




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Love it as usual. DOn't have much to say, but then again, I've already reviewed it lol

Love you xx




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Hey hey, here I am for Chapter 6! :D

I like what you've got here, how she has to really think and come to the decision, and then the whole terms she has to abide by. It's definitely not one of your more riveting chapters, compared to the others that you've written, but I still like it. :D Now, to the nuts and bolts...

WritingSpitfire wrote:She’d "She had" sounds better here. probably missed me, if I’d really had been You need to change this to either "if I'd really been" or "if I really had been". They both work, it's just whichever one you prefer. gone for an entire day. This should be a new paragraph--> “I’m sorry girl” I gave her an apologetic hug before getting up.

“Wanna go for a walk?” From her loud bark, I took it for as a yes.


I glanced to at Abby, who took her cue and laid down. If she wanted, she’d I think "she could" would sound better; it makes it seem like Abby has the ability to wander if she wants. go walk around, but she would always come back. She was such a smart dog.


Finally installed, I put on my IPod and let songs play on random, although I was really paying any attention to my music.


This doesn't make sense.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know


Huh. Funny how I always seemed to find songs that fit with how I was feeling.


I like how you have a song with lyrics that describe her feelings, it's something I do all the time. I don't know whether there will be some kind of copyright law against that, though.
Peterson sneered. "You dare to threaten me boy? Do take notice that I could have you out of the Knights with a snap of my fingers." he gestured what he said.


I don't know, this just sounds very awkward. Perhaps you could reword it into something like, " 'You dare to threaten me, boy? Do take notice that I could have you out of the Knights with a snap of my fingers,' he sneered, doing just that to emphasize what he said." Something like that.

There are a few rules, however. Firstly, any and every means necessary must be used to annihilate any demonic, or other, threats. You will be notified to any possible or real danger in your area, by the Council itself, and must thereby take action on that terrorization. Killing any colleague or Council member, however, is strictly prohibited.

Secondly, what the Council says, goes. You never disrespect their rules. Ever. Any disregard will be highly punished, and possibly even expulsion can occur.


I just pulled these two paragraphs out for an example. When a character is talking and the dialogue extends into another paragraph, you put a quotation mark at the beginning, but none at the end (unless they're done talking). So it should look something like this:

"There are a few rules, however. Firstly, any and every means necessary must be used to annihilate any demonic, or other, threats. You will be notified to any possible or real danger in your area, by the Council itself, and must thereby take action on that terrorization. Killing any colleague or Council member, however, is strictly prohibited.

"Secondly, what the Council says, goes. You never disrespect their rules. Ever. Any disregard will be highly punished, and possibly even expulsion can occur.



Okay, there you are! Another fine work. :D Looking forward to more!
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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Thanks guys, I really appreciate the reviews :D
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topic75101.html

Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".




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I think RH might be right about the copyright thing. I wasn't sure when I first read it but I recall famous authors who had to pay for the right to put lyrics at the beginning, like in a prologue or something...

Maybe you could mention a lyric here and there and how it relates to your mood. . .?




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Ok, I was pretty sure i had read the answer to that question somewhere and I did. On Writer's Digest . com...Here goes

Can I Use Song Lyrics in my Manuscript?

Q: What are the legal ramifications of reproducing song lyrics in a manuscript? If permission from each copyright holder is necessary, what’s the best way to secure these permissions? Also, can I use a song title as the title of my book?—June Youngblood

A: Song lyrics are copyrighted, which means you need permission to use them. According to our legal expert Amy Cook, there isn’t any specific law about how much you can take under fair use, but it’s common for the music industry to say you need permission for even one line of a song.

“The music industry is pretty vigilant about song lyrics,” Cook says. “This is especially true if you’re using the lyrics in a novel to progress the story or add atmosphere. If you’re a music critic reviewing a CD, you have more leeway under fair use.”

One way you can check to see if the song is still under copyright protection is to visit http://www.copyright.gov. This online site lists all copyright records dating back to 1978. For anything before that, you’ll need to contact the U.S. Copyright Office and may have to pay to have the records checked for you.

Another way to find the owner of the copyrights is to contact the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) or Broadcast Music, Inc. (BMI). These two major music performance rights organizations don’t grant permission, but they can help you find the publisher of the song you’re looking to use.

Once you find the rights owner, you must ask for his permission. He could offer you the rights for free, completely deny you the rights or ask you to rename your dog after him. The price is completely up to the music publisher.

“As a practical matter, you don’t need to worry about getting permissions until your work is going to be published,” Cook says. “And your publisher may help you in securing permissions. Most publishers provide their authors with their permission guidelines and forms.”

As for song titles, however, titles of any kind (book, song) aren’t copyrightable. But they occasionally can be subject to trademark or unfair competition laws.

“If you used a really famous song title or part of a song as a title —say, ‘Yellow Submarine’— that’s so closely tied to a specific group (or artists), then you’d probably get a letter from their lawyers,” Cook says.


Tanya :D




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Hey, nice chapter!

I don't really have much to say about it. Just keep in mind showing not telling for here and future use. I hardly see any big stand-outish points but its always something to keep in mind. I know I always have to!

Good job! Keep writing!

-Lauren
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Hi there, sorry it's taking so long to review your chapters. It's been quite a hectic few weeks for me :)
So I have read chapter 5 and it was good, I didn't review it because I didn't have much to say. Same thing with this chapter, it's gripping but I have not real nitpicks or anything that haven't been pointed out.

Except for one thing.

PUNCTUATION! :D
Remember to use correct punctuation with quotes and such. It can become frustrating, to me anyway. So I would love it if you would brush up on those simple rules.
I've picked out a few sentences which I would like to talk about a little.

"I would keep your eyes in your head, Peterson, or you might lose them." He snapped angrily.

You honestly don't really need a period after 'them'.
Putting a period abruptly ends the phrase being said and starts a new sentence. So the next sentence, "He snapped angrily" becomes no way connected with what was said so it's a separate action. Do you understand what I mean? Try using some commas to put them together so it flows and it's understandable that he is snapping when he says that particular line.

"Gentlemen," Ben interjected "please, let us calm down. Our meeting today is to contract our newest member, not to indulge ourselves in testosterone."

This should be:
"Gentlemen," Ben interjected. "Please, let us calm down. Our meeting today is to contract our newest member, not to indulge ourselves in testosterone."
See the difference? I'm sure there's other ways to do this but basically you need a period after interjected. I think you can even add a comma...I think?

Well that's all for now, keep it up :)

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling