Because - Chap. 16

DELETED

Hey KJ!!

I've been waiting so long to read this. This was a good chapter, though it wasn't my favorite. It was intense and it took the story in another direction. I didn't see anything to nitpick on.

You’ll be sorry, Rebecca Chapman!” Ann shrieked when her hand swiped through air.
I stepped past her. “The only thing I’ll ever regret was calling you my friend, Ann Weston.”

I just think that the use of their names sounded superhero comic book like. Take Rebecca Chapman and Ann Weston out, we know who you're talking about. But that's just my opinion, otherwise, great chapter and I love this story.

Keep Writing,

~Angie

Oh hell, more, MORE, PLEASE. I CANNOT believe that it stops here!! NO! *falls onto floor sobbing* My life is OVER! OVER I tell you! You think I'm dramatising here, don't you!? ARRRRRGH!!!

*slams head repeatedly against a wall* Dude, I'm going to be stalking you until the next chatper comes out. *attempts to do a stare as intense as Will's but fails miserably* I have never, never read something as powerful as this from an 'amateur' writer. I hereby place you in the same league as Anthony Horowitz. Amen.

(I hope you don't take offence to that. Anthony Horowitz is one of my extensive list of favourite - nah, not favourite. 'Preferred' authors. Favourites are limiting...)

Ann needs to be slapped in the face. I hate her so much. I have never hated a character in a story as much as I hate Ann right now. It's a bit sad, isn't it? Maybe it is because she reminds me of some people I know, but I'm just guessing.

Anyway, another flawless chapter. Bravo. There isn't much more I can say about this chapter, besides that I loved it.

I can't wait for the next chapter. Please, hurry!

-Venom

This was so so so so so so so so.....etc.- COOOOL! No not just cool.Awesome-epic-wondrous. Thank you so much for continuing to write this story. Oh, and thanx for agreeing to continue Violet.

I found no spelling or grammar issues, just an awkward sentence that someone already stated.

“You’ll be sorry, Rebecca Chapman!”

-Moony

wow, very captivating. You have great character development and dialogue (I'm jealous).
Anyways, i was WAY too much into the story to look for any errors.
And now that I'm addicted to your story/writing I'll have to go read your other stories until you post the next part!

*KJ~

Hey, sorry I didn't come back and review right after 15. I had some errands to run. Anyway...

Dra-ma-tic. Much. I can't really tell if I feel for Ann or not. She's so, I'm not going to say.

You know, I thought Becca was taking a writing class not a journalism one. Even though they're kind of the same. And, can she really handle economics? I like to see if she can.

I don't know if you need those words, to described their conversation. And, I didn't see the rating to this. I can take a guess and say it's R.

Anywho, I was all like the edge of my seat when reading this. It was so good! And again (because you're so good) I didn't find any mistakes.

Amazing job!

*Merry

Hi, KJ! I'm back! *waves*

I shook my head, gritting my teeth. “I haven’t done anything. And you know what I think? I think you’re just pissed because you’re so fucking jealous.”

Woot, woot! Go Becca! Ann had that coming.

I really liked this chapter. It was descriptive and dramatic. The drama wasn't too heavy, which is good because I know some writers who go overboard.

Interesting that she went and switched out. Good for her.

I didn't find any mistakes in this chapter, except for the sentence everyone already mentioned.

Personally, I think that you should keep the curse word in there. Realistically, when someone's that mad or provoked, they curse. So, to keep the story and character's real, I would leave it in.

Wonderful job, KJ!
Sheik