The play called "Our Life"

hi again

well, this is my new song...my 25th actually ^_^
i hope you will like it : ]


The play called "Our Life"

Forget what you've heard now,
Forget what you've seen…
This play was like a gamble,
And they've tried to make you sin.

The sweetest lie is boiling
Inside your naive heart,
It's trying to seduce you –
You fall into the trap.

Now don't try to deny it,
You liked this feeling too.
You've been intoxicated
And couldn't fight it, though.

The decoration's changing,
The actors are replaced,
And on the fading limelight
You see that no one's left…

Although it was a gamble
On who's the next to die,
We can't resist the beauty
Of play called "Our Life"…


emm...please leave a comment,
it's very imporatant for me :]
even if you didn't like the song, and it's a "bad" review, please, review anyway

I like the way you didn't use full rhyme, it was much more subtle. I like the "fading limelight" part, and I think i understand your point but I'd try to put in some more powerful images or metaphors.

I really liked this song
the whole idea of a life bing a play is fitting-sometimes we pretend, sometimes we make mistakes
But the worst thing is when you realise everything you ever believed to be true was all a lie or an act.

I loved the semi-rhymes
sound flowing but not exact. melodic!!
S
xxx

scribblinquil:
tnx a lot for the reply : ]]
i'm glad if you've understood what i meant (although i'm quit not sure by myself waht is the point of my poem XD)

cogito_ergo_sum:
know something?
it all depends on you, and the role you're taking in this "play"...
i think that in your life you should be the director...
and also i think that people are connected with each other, so you should be careful with choosing the "actors"...

anyway,
tnx a lot for both you!!!

p.s.
people, please critique my poem!!! this is why i wrote it and published it here!!!