Screaming. Dying echoes of screaming, filling her head with long lost, painful memories of misery and havoc. After the last screams had died out, cold air playing with her hair, and sun setting over the horizon, she was lost.
Lost. That was a scary word. It made your blood run cold.
* * *
Hey eyes flew open and landed on the blinking alarm clock next to the small, tattered bed. 1:02 am. Her breathing evened out as she relaxed. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. But she still couldn't remember why that memory kept coming back to her. It was all behind her now.
Matt shifted closer to her and in his dreams, put a big arm around her. She closed her eyes and snuggled into his chest, breathing in his scent. It was just a dream.....
* * *
She twisted the wedding ring on her finger nervously as she waited to be called into the doctor's office.
"Mrs. Winters." A nurse stood with her clipboard tucked under her arm at the far end of the room. She stood up and followed her back into the office. "Please wait here, Dr. Smith will be back to see you in a moment," the nurse's monotone voice droned. She took a seat in a chair in the corner of the room and waited. Waited for what seemed like hours. She wished Matt was here with her, but Matt didn't even know what she was doing.
The turning of the doorknob made her jump, and the doctor held a clipboard identical to the nurse's, tucked under his arm in the same fashion. He was smiling. No, please God, no.
"The test was a positive, Mrs. Winters." The words echoed in her head. She felt nauseated. Positive.
"Is there any way the test could have been wrong?" She whispered.
"Oh no, your quite far along. Four months." The doctor replied. "Congratulations."
* * *
The car door slammed as she slumped into her car seat. She buried her face in her hands and cried. People passing by gave strange looks of sympathy to the weeping woman in the parking lot of the urgent care. She didn't care. Once she had gathered most of her wits, she peeled out of the parking lot and sped down the road. She didn't care if she died. She didn't care at all. She wanted to die.
In the park there was a bridge over a lake, she remembered. Yes, now that she thought of it, there was. She headed in that direction.
* * *
The glassy surface of the water reflected her puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Was that her? Instinctively, she brought a hand down to her belly and rubbed it. She could just start to make out the firmness of it. It wasn’t like a regular belly.
Her cell phone ringing in her pocket startled her. Matt. It was Matt.
“Hey babe,” she whispered, fighting back tears.
“You okay, Anahita?” his concerned voice asked over the phone.
She held the mouth piece away from her mouth so he would not sense any more concern. “Yes, of course.”
“Just checking up on you. I’ll be home early today. Let’s go do something fun.”
“Matt?” she started. “I got to tell you something.”
“Yes?”
Oh God. “Never mind. It can wait.”
“I got to go, Doll,” he whispered over the phone. “Boss.”
“Have a good day,” she replied.
“Anahita?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.” And then he hung up.
She slammed the cell phone shut and started to cry harder. She threw it into the lake below. She couldn’t kill herself now. Maybe later.
