in the ocean of it all

22. spoiled cherished
a poem about being loved by my father, my husband, and God

i’ve been spoiled, knowing i am loved.

my father holds me in his arms, as he's always done
since i was a little girl—curly haired, freckled with sharp
kisses from his mustache and beard. i make sure
to hug him back extra tight these days.

i look over at my husband, who drove the full
ten hours, to and from, with me in the passenger side.
his thumb tickles as it grazes my thigh,
we make eye contact and smile without saying a word.

my Father in heaven sent His only son down
to Earth—Jesus, the epitome of love.
since the beginning of time, He loves me
with the same fierceness as the crucifixion.

i live my life gratefully, knowing i am cherished.

23. under the pergola

green grapes hung from the charming pergola
inside the italian restaurant of our first date
like everything green—the ash trees / the
thorax of a dragonfly / the developing color
of the oceans—i find likeness in your eyes.
in the dark, their depths wrap me like a
blanket and as we lay in bed, i cannot help
but stare with my hands on your cheeks.
when and if we become blessed with children
i hope they, too, have eyes of kind moss
so i will always be reminded of the eyes
that stole my heart under the bright lanterns,
brilliant vines, and wisteria.

24. 35mm film

I could try to capture our strawberry-stained cheeks, our messy fingers with semi-sweet dark chocolate, our lips mouthing nonsense to a random acoustic tune, during sunset, all on 35mm film—we are still kids living in the golden ages.

25. in this ocean, there's me & you

swept
so easily under the false pretense of peace
there are moments i lay raw and vulnerable
you hold my hand, give a gentle squeeze
and the sand against my back no longer feels so
terrifying

Final Reflection
Life throws us through waves: waves of peace, waves of contentment, waves of grief. The past few months have been waves of sadness, happiness, love, hope, and feeling lost. I wanted to capture the vulnerability of living in my NaPo thread. The original title “Dancing & Aphyxiated” was originally going to be about finding and choosing joy in the wake of the hardships of life. Perhaps even a bit satirical and fun. However, through writing the poems, they felt more tender and personal. My poems began to take the form of almost-diary entries, where I wrote about the people in my life and different experiences/emotions I was currently feeling. So I changed the title to “in the ocean of it all” referring to life itself and the waves I’ve been going through mentally, emotionally, and artistically. Originally, I planned to be an observer of NaPo, but poetry inspiration struck me hard and I couldn’t resist. Ending this thread with 25 poems seems perfect, because I turn 25 years old soon. Although the first 20 poems explore a range of different emotions (grief, introspection, longing, loneliness, and even love), I wanted the last 5 poems to end on a positive and hopeful note. I shifted my focus in the end on the love I get to experience and feel in this life, and what comfort that has been. Because even in the ocean of it all, love remains, and I know I don’t have to struggle in these waves on my own. If you followed my NaPo thread, thank you, and I hope you’ve enjoyed my work. I am quite proud of the outcome.