zoeybird13024

Yes, I liked the passion, as well. It truly seemed to be written from true emotion. It was phrased a bit oddly, which took away from the flow, so I ...

The only advice I can give? Work on it. It's much too little to even try and critique. So work on it. Often. A lot. As much as you can. ...

I'm better with history than I thought...haha... I picked up "Alexius" from the Russian name "Alexy". I changed it to "Alexi" and then to "Alexius". "Rin" is a nickname--her name ...

This had a nice flow--it was excellent. I just have a couple of nitpicks... Don't Repeat Yourself! You use the phrase "red as blood" twice. Try changing it the second ...

Was my hint to the Roman Empire "Barcelona"? Barcelona is in Spain, not Italy. I think that's what you meant about my hint to I correct?

I agree--the first and last lines were lovely. I loved the imagery. The middle was a little awkward due to phrasing and such, but that's already been brought up so ...

Yeah, I agree with everyone else--I felt nothing at all when I read this. I saw no pictures--in my opinion, this wasn't even a poem. It was a few lines ...

Yeah, I had a different sound effect in there at first, and that didn't work. So I tried this one...and it still didn't sound right. I mentioned the Roman Empire? ...

[pre] I wrote the first part on my other computer, the old slow one that I messed up by putting 75 stories on there. Haha, anyway... This isn't the first ...

Much better!!! Much more original. But she dies in this one...? Is she dead or just unconscious?

Very original--I applaud you for that! There were a few mistakes, but they could be fixed with a bit of revision which I advise. Not highly, however--this story was remarkable. ...

You know...while I read that, the only thing that came to my mind was "Twilight". And then, once I read further, it was just like "Marked" and "Chosen". I suggest ...

Thank you, both of you!!! And... I revised it. Completely. Well, not ALL 40 pages of it, but just the first three you two read. Everyone that read it kept ...

That was nice! Seeing as I personally hate math myself and all my friends agree that math class is Hell (even though I actually pay attention and the entire class ...

Yeah, I can't see why you would regret making the site--unless it takes up a lot of your freetime or something like that! I'm glad you made YWS, even if ...