zankoku_na_tenshi

Very good job, it was an intriguing opener. We get a sense of your main character right away, which I love. I also love your opening sentence, it's a great ...

Stella’s right, this should probably be moved to fantasy fiction, but I haven’t the authority to do that, either. In any case, please space your paragraphs! It makes things easier ...

Hmm.... lets see here. Goals: 1. Get caught up between typing and writing An absolute priority. There's currently a... hang on a moment... a 153 page gap between my written ...

The beginning, eh? Could you be more... specific? Are you struggling with first events in general, or just things like coming up with a good hook, specific wording, and stuff ...

I'm in the same situation, and it's like Razor says, just set aside a chunk of time to type each day. This can be tough at first-- I know it's ...

*applause* I totally agree with you, and I've always tried to do this myself. (though I'm not so skilled as you at it). XD I've grown really attached to my ...

Alrighty: Tassen: If it weren't for you, I never would have found this site, and if it weren't for your constant nagging to post more, I never would have built ...

Wonderful. This was really, really good. I loved... well, all of it really. The dialouge, the characterization, everything. There wasn't much happening, I suppose, but in the immortal words of ...

I do think next time, you might get more reveiws if you just posted one chapter, rather than two at once, but don't worry. It often takes time to get ...

Review for chapter One: Swords grated against stones, to be plunged into flesh at dawn. That's an awesome sentence. Love it. I had destroyed my widowed mother through my actions. ...

Chapter Six- What the Voice Said It’s back. The world is back. Chiren is back, complete with fancy gilded-ness. The throbbing in my head subsides a little. Just a little. ...

Wow, I really like this. Emma does seem like an interesting character, and I'd love to hear more about her, but it rocks just the way it is, too. By ...

Sorry I'm so late... *shame* I love the ending to the second chunk. It definitely gives a sense that something big is about to happen, I can't wait to find ...

Hm... pretty, relatively young girl. Maybe... in her teens or 20's but mature for her age. Dark hair and eyes. Calm and even-tempered. As for mine... Lessee here... how about: ...

Nice beginning! I think you did a really good job of getting straight to the point, to the action, when it mattered, and this shows a lot of promise. I ...