xoCairo

It might be just me, but I found the first part a bit misleading. I took it to believe the main character currently had the smell of bacon, etc. coming ...

changes comments Jamie. I now looked out over the road, potholes, dead bodies, houses still smouldering, and then I see something that makes fall to my knees… My dead family. ...

changes comments The memory replays in my head Like a never ending roll of tape I think you could've used a better simile here. Honestly, it doesn't seem to fit ...

"Probably try to get to the surface, obviously. And, well, if that doesn't work... It's nice to know I have gravity on my side, y'know? I can gravity the water ...

changes comments Jamie, a vision in white. She was dressed in a low back, creamy white dress and she flaunted her amazing wings… Wings of an angel… The dress was ...

Honestly, I was confused by this, and thus decided to read through everything else listed as part of the novel. Result? Even more confusion. I don't understand what order it's ...

The last two lines pretty much blew me away. Despite the inward conflict, the last line unites, makes sense, and has quite a deep meaning. I liked those two lines ...

I liked the way you started it. You got my attention immediately, and I was quite curious. Afraid of starting what? Good job, your starting sentence (and paragraph) was mysterious ...

"It's got a rider. Unicorns are much too stuck up to have riders."  "Okay, but you have to use the muffin voice."  ^ Two absolutely amazing lines that made me ...

comments changes Once upon a time there lived a boy and a girl who shared a dark past, a grim present and a horrifying future. Normally, I dislike the whole ...

comments changes Distant , yet familiar memories flashed through my head sending mixed emotions through me; great sadness with a tinge of happiness Images of a newborn baby with distinct ...

Summary of Chapters 1 & 2 and Prologue Enter Julian. Tall, pale man, only nineteen years of age but he has seen far more than most will in their lifetime. ...

In a world like the one I live in, there is love. But not for one like me. Being able to see the future is as much a curse as ...

I liked this. The emotion and all was quite real, and overall, the poem was good. I have a few nitpicks though. I see it's shore is full of stones- ...

Second chapter already? I love you as much as I'm loving your story! Once again, you started very well. My attention was yours right from the get go, and not ...