xhalcyonx128

Well it looks like I have a ton of ambiguity here; I'll try and fix that. Thanks for the comments. I'll pm you guys to fill you in on the ...

I tried to keep some sense of rhythem. Let me know if it works or not. Thanks. Careening down a busy highway, rear lights signal an entirety of intentions. Those ...

The clock ticks 12:35 My phone tells me 12:32 On with packing I take it off the wall Striking black hands remind me of you Crossed legs on the orange ...

For one of your first posts, I have to say this is very good. The imagry works, and I didn't even notice the rhymes (the best style is the one ...

It made my stomache churn (the actions, not the writing), which is a sign that it's good. When the writing makes my stomache churn, well then there is a problem.

It would probably go in nonfiction, or your blog. Literary-wise: This sounds like an entry from a devotional journal. There is alot of supposition and pushing religion. It isn't neccessarily ...

Oh my gosh, this absolutely made my day ^.^ This is the only problem i spotted: or some pasta--mama mia i think 'maybe' would work better than 'some', but thats ...

Oh, and imagry! Imagry is key!

This is a start, but bubble has excellent points. You walk two steps ahead I’ll walk two steps behind It makes sense for you to lead And me to follow ...

This is very rough, but I just jotted this down one day in free period. I need some advice about rhythem and rhyme-scheme. I'm not very familiar with writing that ...

*dies* I'm going to appoligize in advance for this critique. This isn't poetry. Simply because something is "expressive" does not instantly make it a poem. Let's go through this line ...

You set the stage for a quick change of scenery and an increase in plot, so that's good. She is [s]simply[/s] only unconscious. simply sounds out of place. It almost ...

Hey Ayra, This is a good start. The first paragraph doesn't really express enough about Ayra for the reader to get a picture about what is happening. I get that ...

Thank you. I have to say it really does. By the by, which two are the stories you are proud of? When an author is proud of his/her work it ...

Welcome to YWS! It's pretty easy to find your way around the site, so you'll be fine. Just about everyone is extremely helpful, but at times you may find yourself ...