xhalcyonx128

ahhhhh noo!!!!!! i'm having extreme difficulties attaching this file, so i'll post it on here...but that means i'll have to go through and do the crossouts and italics again....oh well ...

First of all let me say that I was drawn in by this story, but I found it to be distant at times. It's very good though. Also, I'm partial ...

AP English, but Journalism is great as well (i'm co-editor of the newspaper ;-) )

The way you piece together your bragadotious claims and your inner thoughts is wonderful. At first I thought, "How narcasistic!" but after the fifth stanza it all fell into place. ...

Aww! I found this story imaginative and incredibly adorable. :-) I especially loved the KND reference, and I noticed that the KND do tend to blow things up when they ...

Thank you enormously to all critiquers :-) I've done some edits, so critiques on the edited version would be helpful.

Sometimes I come dangerously close to understanding myself. good start here When I think about things, or when I press my face against the cold glass of the bus window, ...

I see him. I see him walk that line every day. You know, that line - the one that divides nations then rebuilds them. His fluid steps don’t fool me. ...

This is very well done, as everyone else has mentioned. On to the questions! 1) Are the characters credible? Do they need some fleshing out? They are relatively complex, which ...

Wow, I'm pleasantly surprised by the amount of comment this has gotten in the short amount of time. Thanks to everyone who commented. I'll look at your suggestions and get ...

Utopian dream, Idealist scheme. Built on bloody ground, Nothing is sound. Angels gaze at the blind behind. Waving palm fronds, The shadow responds. Our Father, who art in [money]. [Hollowed] ...

Interesting...I like this. The first and last stanza are self-explainatory and get the point of the poem across (about the insanely manipulative lover that you can not resist, even though ...

Goodness, thats a lot you left for us to assume. I'm sorry but there is no parallel between the poem and this story, it is far too vague. By any ...

Thank you very much for the comments. I took the advice and added more detail, more showing and less telling. I decided to keep the last two lines, but I'm ...

I can't really see it, but what I do see looks pretty cool. Very symetrical.