xhalcyonx128

really good job, theres like an uber amount of grammer and puncuation mistakes, but those fix themselves with practice. i'll come back later and point them out for you. :-) ...

edited version, enjoy :-) Some still think this might be a peaceful coup. What idiots, I think to myself. There has already been too much bloodshed. Coincidentally, as if my ...

thanks erika :-) ok yea ill think about taking the joke out, i already thought it might b out of place. yea i was there for the Mind and Body ...

I swat at passing time. A freight train with no destination. An endless clock stands. Taunting me. A minute sparrow pops out, reminding me of the inevitable end. The audacity! ...

I've always wanted to write something in 2nd person, but haven't yet. I plan to though. So far I vary between 1st and 3rd person.

well you know my thoughts already. but if you've forgotten, i'll elaborate. i like stephen (or i like him as much as anyone can like a complete jerk) and his ...

note to self: space out the paragraphs :-) thanks for all the critique ill have up chapter two soon

sorry, got cut off midpost, where was i? [/quote]His anger now coming to the surface this is awkward. try "his anger began to boil within his veins" or something like ...

im back :-) here we go: He didn’t like being this low, but the trees were not tall enough to hide him did you mean where the trees were not ...

Hi :-) I didn't get a chance to read the entire chapter (im in class and its ending) but i'll come back and read/crit more later. Then he realized the ...

im not the least bit spanish, but i live in a mainly spanish speaking place. my friends helped me translate that bit that i said was coming through the radio.

this is chapter one of a book in progress about a revolution (not the title). keep your eyes out for upcoming chapters (so far theres at least 5 out). i ...

i don't have time for a long critique (ill come back later and do that, but i think kitty has this basically covered) but the one thing that stuck out ...

well most everything has been critiqued that needs to be critiqued, but i did catch a few more plot-based things. Having pushed back the weight of her grief, Wendy studied ...

i agree that rhythem is good, ill check through and see if i can get a rhythem flowing. my thanks to your gut :-)