xalabasteralienx

Wood, not bone or skin, Is what I’m made of. You molded me into a dream, A doll, an empty shell. You pulled my strings, I pranced and danced. You ...

1. Throughout the piece you go back and forth between present and past tenses. It feels like the whole poem should be one tense to me. example: I sit there ...

I loved you more than oxygen; I loved you more than life. I despised you, my worst enemy, despised your very sight. I adored your every phone call, adored your ...

Wow. Ok. I like the story plot, but the piece moved WAY too quickly for me. And you didn't describe the characters' emotions and what they were feeling very well ...

Chapter 1, Part 2 I screamed. Far-away voices laughed like villains. But they didn’t know I was screaming just as much in pleasure as in pain. Heat and fear hammered ...

*Borderline R-rating at the end Chapter 1 I flipped the page of the magazine, loudly popping a bubble of pink gum and continuing to chew my way through the boredom ...

:(I'm so sorry.:( I liked how you repeated the line "This wasn't supposed to happen". It worked with the rest of the piece and was a good first sentence for ...

When I read this, I thought of Linkin Park (maybe Bleed It Out ). Sorry if that offends you, but it's my opinion. I like the idea of the song, ...

The poem was inspired by William Carlos Williams' "The Red Wheelbarrow." Same structure.

it's not my fault the ball was flying I didn't mean to! sorry the window's broken

You wake up in familiar surroundings-- the hell hole of a happiness that never was. And this space that is called home doesn’t feel that way. (It seems more like ...

I agree with dantheman. The emotion is there. YAY for showing and not telling (something I'm not very good at sometimes :P)!!

I like this. It feels original. The message is clear and the title fits with the concept. I like how you started the chorus (I think that's what it is). ...

This isn't love? Maybe you meant to put a period there? I love the cake simile. Very good description there. My least favorite stanza is the second one because the ...

Her family doesn't deserve her-- she's too kind-hearted. Her friends don't deserve her-- they never cared. Those boys do not deserve her-- they only want one thing. She deserves much ...