xXTheBlackSheepXx

Hey there! Here are the only nitpicks I could find... You definitely spent time proofreading this before you posted! :D During school, the we go about business as usual. I ...

Hiya :) This is a good start to your story. You established the family life pretty well, but you could still go back and do more. Do the twins have ...

Prologue In Which We Introduce Your Most Pathetic Host; Me I have to say, you got me right off the bat :) Well, the first thing I can tell you ...

There was once a time when the name “Contair” could cause a smile on its listeners faces to blossom within seconds. The opening line seems just a little cluttered. There ...

This is so short! I wish you would've written more :) The only thing that bothered me was how you seemed to switch in and out of tenses. You go ...

“No! No, I refuse,” Aniline Grace’s voice rang through the corridor standing at the end facing her mother, hands on her hips. This sentence doesn't sound quite right. It kind ...

Whew! I'm finally back! Hope this posts alright :) Well first of all, I have to say that after someone has reviewed, you should go back and edit your story ...

Claresta O'Neil awoke with a start not to mention to the wind howling and her old fashioned shudders hitting the walls on either side. The two things mentioned here don't ...

This gave me hope, somehow. It reminded me there was such a thing as emotion, such a thing as love and commitment... To me, it would be more like astonishment. ...

Isaac was wrapped in many thick blankets, with only his little, pink face peeping out. you don't need the comma after little. I was headed for the Forest, and beyond ...

Back again :) I picked them up and placed them on its chest: still to shocked for the grief to arrive- although I knew it would come. This sentence is ...

Hello again :) I'm back for chapter two! irritated with myself for not being able to think of any thing. anything- one word. I couldn’t bear to watch her in ...

Snow and ice cover the landscape so thick, that the surface you’d walk on is at least a mile up from the actual rock ground. cover should be covers I ...

I really enjoyed this! Within the first few lines you had grabbed my attention, and it felt like you had a great pace throughout. I like two brothers very much. ...

Sorry for the late response; I haven’t been on YWS in a while. I hope I can help :) Allison’s house stood solitarily, almost defiantly from the main mass of ...