writewannabe

This is short and sweet. For a prologue, you do not have to have a lot in it, maybe a couple of paragraphs. What you have is excellent. I do ...

The way this story is, it takes place before Bellerophon was punished and after. When he was commanding the kings to kill of the weak, this was before and when ...

Just called her Evil just as a name calling. Yeah this Black Knight does act like a child. It's interesting that I answered your question from the last chapter. Lol. ...

The idea of Maria being in the military may help her adapt easily to being a knight.

I actually was going to start the book where Maria was in the military and she was fighting in a war. Then she ends up in Utofamia after getting shot. ...

Thank you. I tend to talk to myself too when I am driving. If I get the rest of the chapters posted, you will know why the "can-man" attacks her.

"We should be nearing the Plains of Musglove,” said Michael as he and Maria rode along side by side on their horses. The journey, since they started, had been safe ...

The gray clouds prepared the world for rain. A person who had come into Utofamia that day would have never believed that the day before was a hot and sunny ...

It is a strange and different story. Even though I am a little confused by it, I also think it is excellent. From what I get of it, this is ...

First of all your description is excellent. I can visualize the setting of your story. I see potential in what you have written and suggest that you continue on with ...

I think I read another School Spirit Story you wrote. If I did it was a later submission. I did not realize that I was susposed to read these first. ...

I like the poem at the beginning of chapter one. It was beautiful. It is an excellent idea to start out a story, especially a fantasy one. While the first ...

The battle scenes are the most difficult since I don't read many stories that have knights in it. I will have to pick up a King Arthur book and read ...

Thank you. When I first wrote this, I tried to make Maria believe that she was just dreaming. However, it just did not turn out right. This has about seventeen ...

This is just as good as the first chapter. I can feel the pain she went through when the man removed her eyeball. Ouch! Your style of description is excellent, ...