wonderland

Wait....? Her sister is missing, yet her friends are freaking out about the fact that her Ex-Boyfriend kissed her? Really? That doesn't seem so realistic. Other then that, I'm not ...

Shortly after dinner, while the girls were talking, Lawrence explained to his father that he wanted to marry Marie. His father, who had liked his girlfriend agreed, and told him ...

Your writing style is really choppy, which makes the flow really choppy. I noticed you write mostly in sentance fragments, which isn't the best. You can extend some some of ...

Hey, Welcome to the YWS. I'm Wicked Wonder Firstly, there were way too many grammar and spelling mistakes and that made it hard to concentrate. Just proof read it. I've ...

Of Explanations and Sneak Attacks In Ruthiorn, there are exactly three ranks under royalty. The lowest are the peasants. To be a peasant, you must not come from a pure-bred ...

Okay, so I haven't read the other parts, but I think your really missing some emotion. This whole chapter seemed pretty flat, with zero emotion. Take how you'd feel in ...

That was really good. It's really played with my senses, and I found your vocabulary pretty interesting. The only thing I didn't like was your first stanza. Just remove that ...

This piece is pretty flat. You have way too much dialogue with zero description behind it, making the piece a fair bit boring. I'm going to read back and read ...