whence

This took me a bit of thought-- and I like that. I can't truly appreciate the Casablanca quote, never having seen the movie myself. However, the true wonder in this ...

gah. Rhyme-scheme-on-crack. It really did a number on the flow. Either set an actual format to follow with your rhymes, or don't use them. For this poem, I think they ...

I'll just add this-- to be fair, any of you could've read the subtitle to gather an idea of what this might be about. And Kylan, it was rated R. ...

'lo Hana. I expect we'll be seeing each other more... I make a hobby of critting poems :D

god, it was way too rambly. And the red font is just a gimmick; if you need to lean on that, then the piece can't stand on its own. Also, ...

again and pain don't really rhyme, and that threw it off. Also, some of the lines were clear-cut cliches, which really butchered it for me. And the chorus seems too ...

the feet are a bit clunky, and the finger are HUGE; but I spose that's all in with the style; and it rather works. Nice job ~Ed

I think you could be a bit more ambiguous with this and still pull it off. In fact, I think it could add a lot. However, nix the rhymes. Wording ...

Try to work on coming up with new ways to describe things, not just the same ol' same ol' "Nobody answered... Complete silence. " etc. Oh, and you might want ...

I don't believe that most homosexuals are born gay despite the mounting evidence? Well, that's up to you, I suppose. Personally, I have no issues with gays. If they want ...

^why not put both? It's still honest constructive criticism either way. It's not like this is a gallery, where we all come to show off. We come here for help ...

biancarayne>> [pet peeve] Red Wine asa title would be terribly bland. Poem titles deserve respect and should be as beautiful as the poems themselves. [/pet peeve] claire>> this poem seemed ...

awesome. Love the style. Ya' know what it reminds me of? The 1950's-esque intros to the new forms in Wario Ware: Smooth Moves. That and Midna from Twilight Princess. [/nerd-rant]

are you asking for our opinions on the lighting between the two nwe ones? Because the second is waaaay better

nice job on the rose and hair! Though I'm not exactly certain how the rose isn't falling... XD Oh, and her ear seems a bit high. But well done!