wewinwelose

I don't really like this version, the emotions portrayed sounds off to me..... but i want to know what you think of this edited longer version..... she wanted to die ...

lol i dont have the attention span for a poem that takes me more than 20 minutes....:P

try writing two or three more lines having in the second one something else that ryhmes with gold and then something to conclude it which you dont have in this ...

it's really good...the only thing i can find to comment on is that the flow is a little off but in a good way (as in it sounds right that ...

ROTFLMAO very good if a bit early :). Still very funny. love the: "AVADA KADAVRA! AVADA KADAVRA! DIE YOU STUPID MUGGLE!" I wonder have you rad Ogden Nash's poem about ...

you didnt do one either :P gah now i have to do one.....fine then the person below me likes lemons

that was ...good...confusing...i didnt understand what was going on at first and i didnt understand if he was a figment of her imagination or if she was his or what ...

This is a 2nd draft and the beginning few chapters are a little silly and far-fetched but it gets better as it goes on so bare with me please even ...

Say what? i didnt understand that much at all....i got it a little but there's nothing to it...you could try adding a reason or a background to it to make ...

it's good...there's no real grammatic errors and i cant think of anything really to say except good job....sorry i know that doesnt help at all lol but i always love ...

it was okay...confusing because i dont know what's going on yet...try making the chapter longer write some more and add more detail to the fight they had like not just ...

that was a good poem but it was confusing....strange....i didnt understand it until you started talking about dying....try defining the begining a little more to make it a little more ...

i've read this through a couple of times and it's great...i cant find anything worth only comment other than it's an amazing piece would be to recommend you write more ...

thiis is great...but you might want to try a thesaurus some times it seemed like you couldnt quite find the right word and you stuck something in there just cause ...

this is an amazing piece i'd love to read the rest of it....but have you ever thought about the fact that some one else can tickle you but you cant ...