turity

Here's PART 2 to this short...please let me know what you think =)). Thanks in advance! --------------- The next day, she woke up to the most brilliant sky she'd ever ...

Thanks guys (esp. Fraggle for the gold star)! I'm glad you liked the first half of my short story. Yes, there is a second part, but I didn't want to ...

PART 1 ---------------- Brea was in the middle of the highway again, screaming with one hand shielding her eyes from the glare of the oncoming truck. She was there--she was ...

I enjoyed this piece for two reasons: it moved along fast enough to not bore and it had a good mystery. It wasn't creepy though like you might have intended. ...

I agree with Juniper. I was a little lost reading this. There is no clear idea as to what exactly is happening. A war, yes, but what does the narrator ...

Hi, I'm turity! Here are some suggestions: Too much description of her suffering in the beginning. It doesn't hook right away. Try to find a better starting sentence and move ...

Thanks, Trish, for reading this close enough to pick out all the small things. Not many people do that so I really appreciate you taking the time. Now I can ...

[...continued] Read P1: ------------------ Gabe comes up behind me and I can literally feel his body vibrating inches from mine. "You can only have me," he says voice shaking. He's ...

Hi, I'm turity. First off, I love the title of this work and how it frames the poem at the begining and end. I don't know why but I love ...

I didn't think it was boring, but you explained the main idea in too many words. I liked your writing style though. It was thought provoking and definitely had a ...

Thanks Jet and Zephy for the amazing reviews! I have read Hunger Games and I think the similarities occur because I started the story while I was hooked on Hunger ...

Same here. I loved the Artemis Fowl series. Admitedly, it was my younger brother who introduced the first book to me and it took me a while to get my ...

Thanks for the critique. I know the post is a bit long but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to split the chapter halfway. But you're right, ...

EDIT: Because of the large word count, I had to split the chapter in two parts. I will post part 2 as soon as this one gets more critique. Sorry ...

This was really interesting to read. I liked the pace you kept. It was quick and to the point, with enough mystery to hook me. Some suggestions: So alone am ...