tommyknocker

First off I must say that I really like the plot to this short, yet powerful piece of writing. I like the way you refer to the "Little Girl" as ...

Hey there! Okay after I had read this piece I came away a little puzzled. Things are happening at a rapid pace and it all seems to blur, in my ...

Hi There! First off I liked to say you have talent on show here. However, a I did like this story but somewhere in the middle I got a bit ...

Hey there! First off why not break this piece into a few paragraphs instead of just one 'lump.' Anyway, this is short but it's not a bad thing. The plot ...

Hi there. Wow, this is the shortest "story" I have ever read. There are a few grammatical errors none-the-less. Firstly you need to capitalize yours I's. And you spelled "Literally" ...

Wow, I wrote this story over year ago. And I thought it was terrible.

Hi there! This is a short piece, but sometimes shorter is better! Anyway, I'd like to know where you are going with this? Surely this is just the start of ...

Hi there! This story is good, but not excellent. There a few bugging issues with grammar, such as you say in one part "have" instead of "had." They are just ...

Hey there. I like the theme of your story and it is quite sweet about the love and sacrifice of Christy. Good work there! However, I think you could add ...

Hey everyone thanks for the comments. I understand the characters need more fleshing out, but I didn't want a too big of a story. But maybe that's just laziness on ...

Everyone was eying the clock on the creamy colored wall not minding the constant drawl from their (bald) maths teacher. They looked at the clock, as if it were some ...

Hey there! Okay I think this story has some great potential and has a good plot line. However, I think that this needs more description. Whilst I'm reading I never ...

Hi there! I like the mystery here, good work there. However, there are a few bugging elements that I feel must be addressed. Firstly: I dare a glance in my ...

Hey there! Wow, I haven't been on YWS for such a long time! Anyway, to the story at hand. I thought you did a good job of capturing the feelings ...

***Please note, this story may not appeal to everyone, reader beware.*** Only one light pierced the darkness of Oakland Avenue that night. It's sickly yellow glow was like a lighthouse ...