timjim77

Deleted and embarrassed.

Well, I don't see the reason for the divisions. There is no obvious change in perspective. If there was, the poem would have much more depth to it. The best ...

The first part of the poem is interesting. Certainly the subject matter is original, but not entirely inspiring. The latter half, on the other hand, seems kind of unimportant. The ...

Excellent. Would be interested to hear the music. Pre chorus could be bit stronger.

Hey thanks. I do say, you are correct.

Actually, I liked the capitalization. I liked the poem. Short and simple and sensible. Like it. Not everything needs to be a masterpiece. Remember that when you accept critique. :wink:

LOVE it. God-fingers. What a great word. This is really almost an Ars Poetica. Incredible imagery, concise, clear, and with a point. This could be in a textbook. Nice work. ...

And then the drum sounds it's tattoo. What in the world is that supposed to mean? tat·too1 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t-t) n. pl. tat·toos A signal sounded on ...

Hmm. Why a banana? This poem is tough to classify. It doesn't belong in the stream of consciousness, or beat, or post-modernist, or deconstructionalist. Nice work.

To My Father A small boy, looking up sees his father smiling down and he knows that he is loved. For his heart is of golden affection and diamond love. ...

Some of the rhyming is forced, and the content is somewhat, eh, mass-produced. For that type, pretty damn good.

She slips me a knife “Use it wisely,” she cries But the room is just silent She speaks with her eyes The doctors examine With stethoscope dreams All my succulent ...

Content with His Mediocre Life Content with my mediocre life The day flew past my reality Into the great expanse that is A dream. And it is within This sphere ...

When Time Passes with Quiet Feet When time passes with quiet feet, And the marrow of the earth, Calls out its dismal retreat, And returns to dust in marching beat, ...

I'm glad to have found this new forum, which seems to have branched off from TYWC. Cool!