timjim77

Dang, I thought boyfriend at first, but I thought maybe it wasn't that obvious. Oh well. It was the finger thing that threw me off.

Grammatical point: have bleeded should be have bled. Unless, of course, you're PysLynx and you do whatever the hell you please.

Poetry is a candle, and prose is a fire in the hearth. We do not need a candle to be bright if we have many. Short and sweet is good, ...

Is this a narrative poem? No. You didn't put much effort into this poem, and you didn't put much effort into putting it in the right place. Uh oh. I'm ...

It may be his style, but as far as I've seen it's not the style that any professional uses. F*** professionals. I thought it was awesome.

Beautiful song to your mother. Liked it very much. Especially "If all the baby blues seem to fuse/ I will forget the spoken word" and "Our love is like a ...

Why are people always waking up in songs? And why is it always "another day"?

Excellent, except for one line: "And something wicked that way goes." didn't really fit, and kind of threw off the story. It sounds like the beginning of a narrative, so ...

Hmm, obviously format problems. Watch your vocabulary. Some of the words don't make complete sense in their context, or have different connotations. E.g. Proclaimed in line 1 seems odd. I ...

Thanks for the comments. The battle within myself was real. Very good observation.

I bid Remembrance a rough farewell And hope that She will beckon me For I would miss the way She’d tell Of fading past’s mortality. We had once laughed at ...

This is iron ore, raw material. You need to refine it. But 'tis cute.

The analogy would work better if you kept the actual subject, football, hidden until the end.

Parts I did not like: "For less than a buck Because the goddamned luck Was running low these days" The less than a buck phrases were not particularly poignant, and ...

The train moves like a Heavy ghost, just tired with the burden of haunting.