timjim77

Powerful.

Wow. This made you feel like you knew the land, and loved it yourself. It's late, so I can't critique it properly. I'll be sure to come back.

I turned off music to do this critique. Be honored. First off, you may wanna use some line breaks here. I know, cause i've gotten that comment before. I even ...

it was slightly pretty, but i wanted to kill the words "wind" and "joyful" and "me" by the end of the poem. sort of musical... haha. i'd have to agree, ...

I think this poem would benefit a lot from a good use of imagery. "This maze I'm in never ends, with obstacles everywhere. There's no one in this maze I'm ...

Flaws have been corrected. Thanks a lot. That was a helpful critique.

It belongs to no building It bears no art It merely stands amidst a battle; one that has been fought since it was built. And you can see the holes ...

mm, some small critques, like needing punctuation at end of lines, and an extra verse would be nice. The main thing that strikes me, or actually doesn't strike me is ...

Hmmm. ok. Seems like something real, maybe. Just a soundbyte really. K.

I have a clock inside It tells me when to die I keep it locked up tight So no one tells my time The rhythm of the hands Follow the ...

While you touch on a good topic, I felt the whole thing was a little two dimentional. That was pretty much the idea.

Hey! You already posted this in song lyrics! Nice work again.

I think "sun" was a poor choice for a word. Every line in it fell short of the others. Very good otherwise.

Eh, not much to critique. Unsubstantial as a poem. I'd say scratch it and start anew.

Stanza 1: First off, you may wanna add mroe line breaks into the poem. it already has a little poem, big prose feel. even simple things like line breaks can ...