timjim77

- Read your poem without the second stanza and without "Will I ever see your face again?" and I think you will be surprised. - Consider using some periods. Crashed. ...

- The letter is so snarky that it makes it difficult to read. If you reread your story without the letter, I think you find it only improves it. - ...

Hmmm, well, yes, I suppose. But no one likes homework attached to a poem, now do they? I understand this was an assignment. I'd say you did a bang-up job ...

A comment on your intro. I feel that one of the beauties of poetry is its capacity to refine raw emotion and edify it. See, emotion is personal. But you ...

- "I am taken by moments in time": Ok, I am a sucker for the first line. A really big sucker. You have suckered me in. Most juries make up ...

Hmmm, I feel that the sentiment here is a bit too blunt for it to have much of an impact. There is something to be said for subtlety. - I ...

I am a cursed one. Like flames that lick my wooden soul (Wooden soul, awesome.) They taunt me crue(l)ly. They whip me, and hurt. Bright red sparks come from my ...

Be warned: I read no other comments before this. I do like this poem. And yet there is something about it that itches me. I think it is the tone. ...

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Thanks for reminding me of this. I've completely redone it, and if I record it I'll post a link. Keep critiquing.

1. Like Luther is unnecessary. After your other fairly dense allusions, let's hope your audience gets that one. 2. Having followed your poetry, I know you have mostly abandoned texture ...

1. You changed tense in the fifth line. Even in a poem, you usually want to stick to one tense unless you have a good reason not to. 2. "The ...

1. Comma after line "bathing in radiant light", and make pr or. 2. Via Dolorosa. 3. Hmm, I feel like the capitalization of the last line breaks something. I really ...

There is a mercy in weeping For the skies are niggard in their bounty. The eye must be chained and eaten For stealing the hoard of the gods. There is ...

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