timjim77

Fetus Scene I [The stage is dark. a sole light shines on a man. He is dressed simply, in ordinary clothes. His face looks innocent and sad. He is staring ...

Nicely done. The essay portion can be wordy and pretentious, but you get awayn with it because it is the character reading it. You also thoroughly humanized your character. The ...

Once again, brilliance. Suggestions: Kool aid?

The "Lone Lee" was a pretty ridiculous pun. I would reccomend removing that pronto. There were some very nice sections, like "innocent isolation" and "weird to the world." But the ...

Addendum added.

Rhyme is one of the greatest gifts that is bestowed on us by language. Everyone can admire the beauty of rhyme. When done well, it edifies works. Imagine Dr. Seuss' ...

Some technical things: 1. Do not change tense. The story begins in the present tense, then switches to the past. Present could possibly work since it would make th story ...

I like this poem for two reasons. Firstly, because it has wonderful imagery. Secondly, because it is a good example for a time when diction could be improved. Diction is ...

I liked the punctuation here. Something spoken into clear silence. I love how it begins with end, as if we are peeking in on something already in progress. Raisin hands ...

The last stanza nearly brought me to tears. I wasn't even sure if I liked it at first, but the imagery is too gbrilliant not to. Totally agree with xanthan ...

Actually, the giant polar bear would win. But I voted for Mrs. Coulter. I love those books. I don't even like fantasy in general. Those books were brilliant. The Amber ...

I just finished a disturbing comedy by Chuck Palahniuk called "Choke." He fakes choking in restaraunts to get money from people. He's also a sex addict. Probably the most duisturbing ...

I happen to be an actor myself. I have also seen many plays. But more importantly, I know what it is like, as an actor, to get a script and ...

Hey, it's me again. Once again your strength/weakness is showing and telling. When you show, you shine. When you tell, you fell. Stupid rhyme, sorry. "Daniel Shandor was sitting at ...

I think everyone can agree that the title here was the best part of the poem. The title's amazing. The rest of the poem needs revision. "You come from a ...