timjim77

Your rhymes are forced. (See: ...I wish to abhor/....walk out the door) The title promised more than the poem gave. Your meter is actually not so bad, but you get ...

This is Just To Say: Quite clever, well-done in the form. The lining is good, punctuation is fine, doesn't distract. "But I didn't love you" IS the poem, do nothing ...

The image is whimsical and much to my taste. I think this poem could be improved by giving a bit more attention to meter. This poem has no set meter, ...

One cannot mute the imagined sound that like a homeless echo settles in where it is most unwelcome. The caterwaul of new abandonment shrieks its chalky name at a dusty, ...

thier: their

Certainly the format is eye-catching. Almost echoes a fall. nice. "tears start to fall from you like me from the sky" This doesn't quite work. The image is awkward in ...

swines: swine's glutens: gluttons There is an interesting thought here. A bit underdeveloped and uneven. You have chosen a setting for this poem, but it doesn't seem to have truly ...

Rain and all her nervous face displays as she delivers tides of good news on the xeric roof is chilling in its honesty. Shoats and farrow scamper in on a ...

- Don't use 'larger than life' to describe the perspective of life. Right? - 'Slightest disruption': instead, give us an image of that slight disruption. - 'into my vision': Vision ...

Ok: "War, Fare." No, Way. The separation of those words doesn't make sense. Or any of the others. - Yes, blood and war go hand in hand. As do cliches ...

I liked the chorus-like nature of the 'This is' sections. The commas-question mark combination leaves a lot to be desired. Are you asking a question, or asking a question an ...

Ok, so we start out with Ludacris, and end with a confession. I'm confused. -First, spell check. Despicable, not dispicibal. And, not nd. - Wait/weight works on (0) levels. Sometimes ...

I found this poem quite interesting. - Fantastic imagery. - The voice and tone of the poem sounded weary. I'm not sure this is what was intended, and you may ...

- "There" should be their - BOOM! doesn't need to look like that. - "You can hear the click, click, click of that dead engine, A damp body dances through ...

Set rhythm? What does that even mean? Yes, poetry needs rhythm. It needs to beat on the heart like a drum. That doesn't mean it needs to be seven syllables ...