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Re: The only poem you will ever get out of me ever.
This is absolutely amazing. I would file it under "favorite soulful poetry" in my books. It's really creative and I was so into it from the very first beautifully written ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Daydreams
Daydreams lead to heart break, (good opening) Unfulfilled wishes can only snap, (mm... the line doesnt really evoke anything in me. it feels... pointless.. and very forced. fake if u ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: You're such a screw UP.
This seemed likea TV add for some pills to me.. NO OFFENSE! Thats not bad.. However I felt some lines to be just plain... i dont know a word for ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Dear Lover
Hmm.. Funny. I thought about reading this as I saw it a few weeks ago but then changed my mind and now here I am again. What I really like ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Inner Peace
Overall; good piece. Although I feel like you could have made me visualize more. I felt.. a need for even more description for some reason. True, you do give a ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Gorgeous Neon
Lots of word the typical reader may have to infer here of look up. That could become an issue, I'm just saying that publisher's themselves aren't exactly the brightest crayons ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Ms. Apt Diagnosis
This is a fairly good piece. You had some reat words of visualization and did a good job at making me see your thoughts. However; I dislike when people automatically ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Again
First off, welcome to YWS! This is beautifully amazing! The visualization for me was through the roof but the emotion was as well! I loved the way you began; it ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: The Boy Who Lived
Overall... this is very good. However, I do feel that you focus so much on words here and being creative and impressing people with just fancy words that you forget ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: another year
"the falls leafs (shoudnt it be leaves..?) flow in the breeze, another school year begins, another year of hope, wishing, praying, that someone would come and take me away, take ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: stages of breaking
In the first line; you switch tense: I hug you But then you flinch And then you told (it should be tell) me It's all in present tense until you ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Goodbye
Nice little simple piece. I feel like.. It needs more. It's good so far; but you need to build on it. My favorite line was: But you must go as ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Chapter 5 of Wrong or Right
Issues: My mind was unwavering, my jaw set Ths line sounds.. overused. Perhaps it could be something more like My mind was set, my jaw clenched, or hardened. It just ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Cure Me Please (Third Attempt)
Hmm. What to say about this? Gosh it's very different. Overall, it is well written. Bettwe then before even though you changed it so much it was unrecognizable. That's not ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Mommy
These were certainly original. They were great overall. No suggestions.. Uhm... the only thing I had issues with was the beat. Sometime it seemed kind of off although mainly it ...
May 1, 2008
