thehobbitgangster

Alright! Some background for the characters! Feels like it's building up to something! I really liked these scenes. Keep it up!

Yeah, more dialogue would be makes things easier to understand. You have mostly stage directions now, and it's a bit hard to follow. I wish it was a little longer ...

Whoa, super suspenseful! That's scary to introduce a gun to people who've never seen or used one before! I feel like Norman almost needs a more sinister speech (that's maybe ...

This is a very interesting opening. I agree that perhaps it shouldn't be before the opening titles. I have just one suggestion, which is to maybe add how old the ...

Thank you very much! I'll try to write in only one tense!

It was down to the final shot. This was the state championship and the coveted trophy had been in the hands of the opposing team for the last seven years. ...

Ha I loved the ending of this poem! The anxiety in this piece almost made me a little nervous! It would have been even better if you had thought of ...

Well, I have to agree that this poem had an important story in it, but the errors in it from some parts in the rhyme scheme to spelling errors made ...

What a sad story. It was very good though aside from the few little mistakes. One thing when you were describing the cars as oxidized metal there was a "there" ...

My online lit text book actually had a link. go figure.

aw that was a cute ending!! I enjoyed this story's take on the future. A gigantic restaurant, the hunger ful-filling pills, it was all very creative. One thing is when ...

gracias for all the comments. :)

This chapter is short and leaves me with a lot of questions. I definitely agree that you should keep going so I can find out more!!

This is sort of a scary story for romantic fiction so far. It's good though and I really can't wait to find out what is going to happen to the ...

So I don't know if I can put song parodies on here, but I figured this would be the section to put them in... Please give feedback! Black robes with ...