tgirly

Unlike OUR sheltered selves... if you're going to capitalize Day, maybe you should capitalize night too. Sorry if I seem harsh, just want to say it before I forget, and ...

still keeps falling, not still keeps falls. You should probably not say mind-boggling so much, you could use flabergasting or confusing instead. Also, you should probably put it into poem ...

I think it might flow better if it was: Be it France or England or countries laden with snow. But other than that, it's pretty good.

In my opinion it should be IT'S just an empty shell and ITS eves are closed, ITS soft lips parted Just my opinion

A mother sparrow and her child sat on a branch near a little, white church just outside a big city. There were flowers everywhere, and the service had just finished. ...

Alice felt a kniFe of fear, not a knive of fear, unless you mean knives of fear. Really good. It was slightly confusing at the beginning, and if I hadn't ...

The last stanza doesn't have enough syllables. You could change it to: As I fantasize about the endless possibilities, Of the day when we will meet Of course, its just ...

I'm the monster in the closet, I'm the boogie man I'm not sure this last line has enough syllables to match with the other stanzas. Also, you didn't put in ...

I usually don't like creepy things, but this one I liked. Only two negative things: dried blood is brown (but maybe it wasn't dried yet, but then it wouldn't be ...

Deleted.

Instead of putting Zander froze in mid-sentence, you should just put Zander froze. It's already obvious that he froze mid-sentence because he didn't finish the sentence. You should probably put ...

I like how you pointed out human imperfections without being anti-humane. I think it's cool how you switched around the roles of humans and monsters; making the humans the persecuters ...

I like how you pointed out human imperfections without being anti-humane. I think it's cool how you switched around the roles of humans and monsters; making the humans the persecuters ...

It might have been a little too short; I was just getting into it and then it was done. But that's just my opinion. It's a really really really good ...

I think you used the word pleasure a few too many times. It seemed slightly rushed, but I thought it was deep. I highly reccomend proofreading it.