tgirly

Okay, I read the second chapter first and then this one, and I'm still confused. You're throwing way too many names and breeds at us. I have no idea who's ...

I haven't read the first chapter yet. It's a little confusing, but interesting. It should be "The barracks WERE a cold place" instead of was, right? There were a few ...

There's a few spelling/grammatical errors, but not too many. I like the story. I might just be me, but I'm not sure if the shot is good or not. It ...

In the second paragraph, I'd italicize "Why?" to show that she's thinking it. You could also italicize the Who needed him? at the beginning of the third paragraph and anything ...

Eve: Lidz suggested going to her Dad's town. That's probably the last place any of us would want to go, but it was a start. I sighed. "Are you sure ...

"Want some?" Lily had had a rough day. Shawn, a boy she had a crush on, asked her out. Lily'd been excited to tell her friend, Travis, about her date. ...

In the sixth paragraph it says: "Maybe at this moment. It's true." I think you should combine these two sentences because the second is only a sentence fragment and, even ...

I agree, this IS really good and blunt. My only prob. is that, I feel like there's something lacking from your last line. I think you should use a different ...

Used to be ch. 12, but I'm adding some more in before it. Turns out we weren't as destitute as I thought we were. Somehow, Aya had swiped the security ...

Vi: Storm wakes up. I see the relief in Drustan's face and my heart tears. I look away and stand up. "Are feeling good enough to move?" I ask Storm, ...

Dmitri: I feel like there's someone watching me. I keep glancing over my shoulder. All I see is the dark sillouettes of houses, some crumbling. I'm usually not this paranoid. ...

You say you're "on top of your class." That makes me think of a huge pile of kids and you sitting on top of them. I think what you really ...

I liked it! I think sometimes, we get caught up in not being cheesy, but your poem had ust the right amount of cheese (which isn't that much) to make ...

Alina whispers something to Aya. "We're hungry," Aya says. "What do you want to eat?" Mitch asks. "Anything," Aya says, dramatically. "Okay. Si, which restaurant did you say had the ...

Thanks P. O. D! I think you're amazing in every way too!