tgirly

Hi! I haven't read the other chapters, but I'm pretty sure you probably repeat yourself a lot in the first paragraph. Even if you don't, you do a lot of ...

Eve: A strange girl stepped out of a clearing. She smiled at us. "I'm Zina," she said, "I have a message from Razi. He's fine." Anger whelled inside of me, ...

Eve: I made lunch. Lidz offered, but I felt like I needed to be busy. I noticed Rain staring at me and I forced a smile. It seemed to hurt ...

Eve: Razi was nowhere. I couldn't find him. Everyone else urged me to leave without him. "He'll turn up," Lidz said, "He always does." I could tell she didn't believe ...

I liked it. It might have more flow if it was "But you can't see" but it's more dramatic the way you have it, so that's your choice. I agree ...

Eve: I'm surrounded by water. I feel the water in my lungs, purer than air could ever be. I see a figure in the distance. It's Razi. I move towards ...

Eve: I picture being in the middle of a lake of fire, and felt for Razi. So that idea was out. I wouldn't let Razi suffer that, if I couldn't ...

What if the girl didn't exist, but they decided to attempt escape anyways? I don't know, you guys decide if that's a good idea or not.

Eve: Storm nodded. "And it would probably make Leo hesitate a little bit before he came near us." I smiled at the thought of the unlimited power source of the ...

I'm not sure if you intended it to rhyme or not. If you did intend for it to rhyme, you should go back and clean up your rhyming scheme. Also, ...

Okay, in the first paragraph, I think you mean welling, not welding. That would be kinda weird if the tears were welding in her eyes. "On bed" should be "On ...

The only prob. is paragraph four. I'm not sure who "he" is, and whose family it is. Another nitpick, is you say she's alone, but then suddenly her dad is ...

I like it. On to the nitpicking! In the first stanza, you say "Run forever, Until..." It seems if you ran forever, there would be no until. It's kinda contradicting. ...

I'm your soul mate. Who am I? Wouldn't you like to know. You and I, We just fit. We have so much in common, And so many differences. We balance ...

Eve: "We could travel by boat," I suggested, "There's a river running in about that direction a little ways back." "None of us have a boat, either," Wolf said. "We ...