tRiCk

"Joeanna mumbled she began to wipe her shirt and fix her hair." may sound better with a period after "mumbled". I don't think you need the comma in this sentence: ...

I think when you said beautiful chocking purple flower, you may have meant beautiful "shocking" flower but other than that great job. This was a very unique story and a ...

You did a good job at stressing the emotions in this piece... if that makes any sense. Ha ha. "He wasn't really heading to me..." might sound better like this: ...

The streets are dark and the rain pelts me insistently. I walk through the darkness with my head down not making eye contact with any of the bums or prostitutes ...

Alright, cool. I am glad you guys like it so much! :)

Thank you guys. I am glad you like it. I know the first part is short and it isn't the complete chapter. I just wanted to post a little bit ...

The streets are dark and the rain pelts me insistently. I walk through the darkness with my head down not making eye contact with any of the bums or prostitutes ...

Most of the commas should be periods, then you wouldn’t have so much run-on sentences. German needs to be capitalized. “Enemies” should be “enemy’s” as oddly as it looks. “I ...

“An impatient Carter proclaimed.” Might sound better like this: “Carter impatiently proclaimed…” Or “Carter proclaimed impatiently” I think daydream is one word. “Right[,] as if you wo

Maybe the first paragraph should be a little longer. Sorry to be such a kill joy. I really like your work though. :) Trick

First paragraph definitely sets the tone. I liked how you didn’t use typical adjectives (“bulky” instead of big, “wildfire” instead of just fire). “There was a canine looking bite in ...

Its easy to get hooked from just the first sentence. It does get a bit confusing though. Especially when you mention assignments. "The young man the hand belonged to smiled ...

Also, “doe’s” is supposed to be “does”. The space between “does” and “Campava” seems a bit awkward. The sentence starting with “He leaned across the aisle….” is a bit long. ...

It’s my first day of school and already I know that my high school years are going to be interesting. I am sure that being a “new kid” from down ...

I think you know what you are doing with the line breaks. It may not be customary, but thats the whole point, right? I also agree with the punctuation though, ...