sylverdawn

This seems like a really good book, but it doesn't really feel like a beginning to me, the situation is too developed. Start from an earlier point maybe explain who ...

This is really well done, you connect with the girl, Megan. I get the feeling that she's already given up on life, but she still doesn't want to die. It's ...

It needs a bit more work, as a prologue you should drop a few more hints, who are these people why did someone betray them, what are they running, overall ...

i'm confused about who the main character is here, Anne or Adelaide. The two seem like they could be friends if their stations weren't so far apart. I get that ...

You've done a really good job setting the time period. It makes me feel like I'm standing in a different Era. I like how the main character is spirited and ...

I like how the story's going but I'm having a trouble connecting with the main character. She just seems so shallow to me. Work on her personality more, like maybe ...

overall I think this has potential. It seems like a typical party scene, a bit too much emphasis on the throwing up. But other then that really good description. I ...

Seda- I watched the boy with his Chara, Jari. The other Chara just kept snapping at Faith and Rath. Faith flew over and ducked behind her brother, while Rath watched ...

Seda- Rei looked over at me. "So Seda, what can you do?" He smirked before stepping back from Cecilia. "I can control wind, fire, and lightning. I also have these." ...

Seda- "I'd suggest burning it. Especialy the blood, since it's toxic to normal humans. Those with special abiilities will have some immunity." He shrugged and looked over at Cecilia, "So ...

Seda- He shook his head wryly at his audience. It was a shock to find that they didn't really care about his demon blood. Seda glanced over at Cecilia. "Yes." ...

Seda- Seda whirled around and saw Cecilia pointing at the Core. It gleamed in the fading sunlight, and pulsed like a heart beat. Swearing he saw the blood begin to ...

Seda- Ceciliia looked up at him. "So why are you here Mister Demon Slayer." Seda burst out laughing at the irony of being called a demon slayer. "I'm looking for ...

Seda- The girl whirled around and the blackened demon blood fell to the ground. "Nothing." She answered fast, an obvious lie. Seda raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Right. Yeah, nothing. ...

Seda- In a flash Seda leaped up and ran towards the scream. Gathering the elements around him he called lightning from the clear sky and threw it forward. It struck ...