stupidiot92

One night when shorti was sleeping, he woke up due to a nasty nightmare. He grabbed his hammer and strapped it to his back. He then left his house on ...

Shorti Age-unknown species-dwarf hair-white,long,ponytail,long beard eyes-pure white powers-white magic(such as healing and what not) and carries a huge hammer that crushes ribs with one swing Shorti

This was a bit short. It lacked detail. I would suggest adding more actions and emotions into it.

Did you chanfe the title of your book or did you just not post chapter 1?

I liked it even though it really wasn't poetry form. Life goes out. Life comes in. i think these can be on the same line.

This actually happened. This is pretty much the story that happened not to long ago. So enjoy. The Drunken Brother One night while I was on vacation, I was sitting ...

Here it is slightly edited. The Most Beautiful Eyes As I walked a lonely path, I ran into an eye catching girl. Not just another girl. This girl had the ...

I liked this poem. It has better rhyming than mine and it has a rhythm to it. I may take a closer look at it later and critique it more.

This is a poem that i made up on the spot. I am not good at rhyming ot rhythm. I made more rhyming in this poem than my others. Please ...

Quote: Sounds crap sounds like crap This was a good part. I like how you explain a thing from the past that made Sappy's mom freak out.

Quote: shorter to Sappy to should be than Quote: Chris’s voice is gruff, his throat must be sore You've changed to present. Your story before had been in the past ...

Quote: cry it may as well be over a sappy love song or something a sappy love song? does that have any relation with your character Sappy? Now i am ...

Quote: I let my bottom lip drop into a pout. I deliberately forced myself to make my eyes widen, weather that was making me look more ‘cute’ or just plain ...

This piece was a bit rushed. You didn't spend to much time on the detail of what was actually happening. I am really curious as to why his mom was ...

Quote: side was defiantly not going to take an axe to my head. should be definantly not defiantly. Your pieces keep getting better. There always seems less for me to ...