snickerdooly

Thanks. I definitely need to work on the imagery a bit... or a lot. :wink:

I liked this story. But you could work on developing your characters a bit more, with Jay especially it showed how he was distant but you need to be more ...

Thanks guys I'll definitely fix that stuff! -SnickerDooly

The broken bone sears with pain, inside the house I remain. Afraid and frightened of telling my father, I close my eyes and hope to not remember. Remember the pain ...

this is really good but I saw a couple mistakes and puncuation in the wrong places. Just go through and read it all and fix some of the errors. Keep ...

Yes you should post the third chapter. I don't have time right now but I'll be back to give you a review later.

This poem had good description but sounds very choppy and sort of falls We met one night, in the dark, the fear, We exchanged smiles, I held my glass up ...

"Oi, it's Shakespeare!" Hell. Ha I love how he's so sarcastic and negative! I love your story I don't believe it's to long. Off to read the second part.

I liked it. Question though when it says his green eyes where dulling and his hair was turning gray and flat does that mean he's like a old guy living ...

Before you read, read this part it is called Syrus part 1: Evadyne The evil men came into my room while I was lying down, my mind was relaxed and ...

Awesome job! I loved it very well written keep writing awesome poems!

HI Can you please PM me and tell me whats happening because I think I get the idea so this girl goes to live with these people that are really ...

Thanks guys! Um because Syrus is now dead it is going to go into Evadynes point of view! I'm going to fix it up then it will be more teling ...

HAHA funny you should write more!

I loved this. It was really pretty and it flowed well. But you should go through and fix some punctuation and some parts that seem a little weird. Other than ...