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Re: Faded Love
Pgs, Are you serious? The OP's last post was on "Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:25 pm", I'd critique for people who will actually see your comments and use them to ...
Sep 24, 2009 -
Re: The Office Chair
I enjoyed it as well- it was fairly conventional but had enough of an offbeat quality to throw the reader and provide a memorable reading experience. I generally echo Snoink's ...
Sep 24, 2009 -
Re: Shuffle That Playlist!
6/10 - Not a lot of variety, but a ton of rock that walks the line between solid, hard driving songs, and unlistenable loud noises. Vertigo is the best track ...
Sep 22, 2009 -
Re: Prayer Flags at Nam-Tso Lake
Thank you all for the kind comments. Lack of punctuation was careless of me, thanks for pointing it out. Now, I'd like to know what I ought to fix here. ...
Sep 21, 2009 -
Re: Granddad Dying
Much as I love short, descriptive poems, I have to concur- you haven't given us quite enough at the end. But you're pretty close. As they told me, In contrast ...
Sep 21, 2009 -
Re: Something I Totally Drummed Up
A compendium of good last-lines for poems is not, in itself, a particularly good poem. What is left unsaid are the circumstances- why are you unhappy? Why is the world ...
Sep 21, 2009 -
Re: Goodnight
Not bad by any stretch, but there's work to be done. Comments in the spoiler. every time I gazed into your eyes I melted tiny jolts rushed through out my ...
Sep 21, 2009 -
Re: True Romance
Of course! You feel like soft cotton with an iron tip. Let's use this image as an example. Poems are about saying a lot with a little- really really good ...
Sep 21, 2009 -
Re: True Romance
There's effort here, but just not enough. Before you even tackle the issue of the misfit last line, (Pgs is right, by the way- it's an awkward phrase)you've got to ...
Sep 18, 2009 -
Re: With an Iron mask
It's a very common angle to work on, and yeah you DO have to make it your own . But there's hope because the poem itself was not a total ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: Prayer Flags at Nam-Tso Lake
Prayer Flags at Nam-Tso Lake A roll of prayer flags is never alone, as it reaches across a gorge or winds between jutting rocks. There are always other strings, who ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: Firemen catch fire.
The title is interesting, I just wish it made more sense with the poem. Edits under spoiler. I burned the world, with a box of matches. And I laughed all ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: Mystery Man
You clearly have enough ability to make this work, but there is quite a bit of polishing to be done. See spoiler. Each step lingered on the broken road, as ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: nvm 7
The effort is there, but all I got out of this poem was an incomprehensible rhyme scheme, and a collection of tried and true imagery. There's probably too much that ...
Dec 31, 2008 -
Re: USA's Best President
You can't use wikipedia as a citation for a formal paper because it can be manipulated. That said, deliberate manipulation on wikipedia is rare, and quickly erased on highly trafficked ...
Dec 31, 2008
