smaur

Hey, I suspect I don't need to tell you how much I like your writing, but I do. I think this is a very powerful idea, and I love this ...

Heh, I remember taking Writer's Craft. Good old Ontario high schools. This is a pretty solid piece. Some funny stuff -- I had lots of fun reading Boris & Yakov ...

Hey, I've just read your prologue & this first segment (since apparently it's not the full first chapter). And while you write beautifully and have some excellent turns of phrases, ...

I can't tell if this is a story or a story fragment, but it feels like the latter. You have a clever idea, but it's not going anywhere. You've set ...

Kudos on figuring out a sneaky way to make their relationship work. Really clever solution to their whole power-play problem. Their relationship also works on a much deeper level, now. ...

Hey, Here as requested. I really love the ideas that you're presenting, particularly the idea of a man who can't die (those are always fun), but the presentation is still ...

This is MUCH improved on the original. I still have a couple of points of contention, though: - The nature of Joshua and Parker's conflict is still fairly unclear to ...

It's interesting to talk about an abstraction in abstractions, which is sort of what you've done here. You write, "she is all smoke and mirrors," which is a way to ...

I liked this a lot. Not as much as "Living is Easy", but it's still excellent stuff. I love your turns of phrases and use of images and all-round sharp ...

I like some of this, but not enough of it. You've got the beginnings of some nice characterization and the end of this installment shows us you can nail suspenseful ...

I didn't even sort of get a serpent/Eve allegory from this story. Especially if that was the main function of this, to be a modern update of the myth. There's ...

Hey, A few quick notes. I don't want to thoroughly critique this because we're still obviously only partway through the pilot, but I thought I'd go over a few brief ...

Hey, I think you may have an interesting premise, but it's hard to tell right now because your writing isn't really showcasing that story. The idea of a murderer attending ...

Hey, I found this story impossible to buy into, charming though it may be. The problem for me is that this appears to be an absolute monarchy (correct me if ...

You have some nicely rhythmic writing and some pretty turns of phrases, but that's really all that kept me going through this first chapter. Beyond style issues (which I'll get ...