smaur

Terrorists dis integrating ! Ahahaha. ... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist pointing that out.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked the ending. :)

... wow. It's hard to think of something to say (and mean it ) that isn't horribly cliché. I'm glad you decided to keep this going, and kind of stunned ...

U2! *glee* Okay, here goes. A teeny tiny note that the rating should be kicked up to "R" as ordained by the YWS ratings system . I don't think it's ...

Hmm. Okay, yeah, that makes more sense. I'll see what I can do. Would it work better if I switched /1 and /2? Obviously they'd both need tweaking to fit ...

Oh, and also — I have a sneaking suspicion as to who the Supreme Evil Overlord Person will be... Hee hee. This is lovely. Singing quartet indeed.

Then again, there's nothing wrong with the traditions and conventions of the genre. To an extent. If they homogenize the genre, there is most certainly a problem.

A couple of things: - shouldn't this be in the Fantasy section? The title itself acknowledges that "this is a magic story," so I'm not entirely sure why this is ...

Hmm. Since this was posted for the Short Story Contest, I'm going to take a leap of logic and say that this is supposed to be a short story. If ...

Hahaha. This is great. I'd either sound freakishly overenthusiastic or really really obnoxious if I tried to describe in-depth what exactly I love about this (and quickly run out of ...

Wow, I'm impressed. I think you're the first person who has actually listened to me about the formatting. Congratulations. You get, um, a cookie. ... now, all you have to ...

Run this through spell-check once . You don't have to proofread. You don't have to use the much more reliable Spell-As-You-Go. Just run it through spell-check and take a look ...

Inertia's right. Slow down; you're rushing the story and we're not getting a very good impression of any of the characters. I can't form any attachments to the characters; I'm ...

As she slipped past the bakery, in the pick blackness of night, she thought about Mercicio. I'm pretty sure you mean "in the pitch black of the night," not "pick ...

A look at the first paragraph: He lay there. He had no idea how long he had laid there. This sounds really choppy, to no positive effect — cut out ...