smaur

Don't feel discouraged! It's a tricky thing, to streamline and edit and rewrite a work, and trickier still to get it to a level where it radiates perfection. (I certainly ...

This is MUCH improved on the original. I still have a couple of points of contention, though: - The nature of Joshua and Parker's conflict is still fairly unclear to ...

It's interesting to talk about an abstraction in abstractions, which is sort of what you've done here. You write, "she is all smoke and mirrors," which is a way to ...

I liked this a lot. Not as much as "Living is Easy", but it's still excellent stuff. I love your turns of phrases and use of images and all-round sharp ...

I like some of this, but not enough of it. You've got the beginnings of some nice characterization and the end of this installment shows us you can nail suspenseful ...

I didn't even sort of get a serpent/Eve allegory from this story. Especially if that was the main function of this, to be a modern update of the myth. There's ...

Hey, A few quick notes. I don't want to thoroughly critique this because we're still obviously only partway through the pilot, but I thought I'd go over a few brief ...

Hey, I think you may have an interesting premise, but it's hard to tell right now because your writing isn't really showcasing that story. The idea of a murderer attending ...

Hey, I found this story impossible to buy into, charming though it may be. The problem for me is that this appears to be an absolute monarchy (correct me if ...

You have some nicely rhythmic writing and some pretty turns of phrases, but that's really all that kept me going through this first chapter. Beyond style issues (which I'll get ...

I'm fairly horrific at titling stories / general works of any sort. Actually, really horrific. I'm not very good at determining what makes a fantastic title, either. I'm currently trying ...

Dearest of Snoinks, it has been a very long time since I've read a piece by you, and this was the loveliest of re-introductions. This is fantastic stuff. A really ...

This is fantastic. I read it yesterday and didn't have an opportunity to comment, so here goes. Your writing is a lot stronger than I remembered it to be; you've ...

It's hard to find fresh perspective on a time in history that is so thoroughly documented -- in literature and film as well in news articles and photographs and history ...

I always find it infuriating that Lord of the Rings must be compared to Harry Potter, and vice versa. They're both deeply flawed but also fantastic in their own amazing ...