silentpages

"Only a few pieces of the violet pieces remained" Pieces pieces. Repetition. Maybe say 'a few pieces of the violet set', instead? "Alexis commenced to advance towards the gates of ...

"-Removed-" That line about her mom understanding that she has a life of her own? It bothered me a little bit the first time around, and here... I don't know, ...

Thanks everybody, lol. At the moment, I don't think I'm writing any more of this... Maybe it'll pop up in a novel someday, but at the moment I'm happy with ...

Thanks, guys. ^^ And yeah, I think I probably will be posting it on my blog at some point... But I was basically just trying to capture all the stuff ...

Past this point, this story has been edited, taking into consideration the reviews. Also, I think I fixed the POV issue, which previously resulted from me not realizing that it ...

Thanks. :) And yeah, I would like to 'futz' with it a little more, as you put it. XD And I'm not entirely happy with the ending myself. If I ...

New question: Why were Emaline (like the new name by the way. ;)) and Derek embracing... In the doorway of Mist's room? Would that mean they were in a hallway? ...

I like the changes. ^^ Definitely an improvement. There are still a couple things I'm a bit confused about... Still don't know MC's gender, but that could be intentional. Right ...

'The paper was translucent your hand would have passed through it as thought it were a fragment of mist' 'thought' should be 'though', and something still has to be done ...