silentpages

"Now listen closely Elicia, you might enjoy this story. It starts with four little words, as many stories do. Once upon a time." For a first line, I felt like ...

"shooting the two men in the chest" What two men? Did she shoot them both at once, with some sort of weapon that shoots more than one bullet at a ...

Ah, yes... There's always a Devil's Peak, or thumb, or some such possession of the devil. XD To me, 'stolen my body' means this other guy had control, in which ...

Question: What exactly is the boar eating? ""That creature certainly has legs,” the amateur hunter thought to himself" *pictures a boar without legs and giggles* Most animals have legs. I ...

An alright start. :) My notes going through: Ah... A paragraph or two of infodump is not a good place to start. Bring us right into the action. Sweep us ...

My notes going through: "he figured tonight was as good a night as any to pop the question." I'm pretty sure guys put a little more thought than that into ...

My notes going through: "My apartment melted away as we played the game. No one noticed until it was too late and there was only a vague outline. Then Timothy ...

This was very interesting... It's a unique way of telling the story, and I liked her childlike language and way of speaking. I noticed lots of exclamation points, but she's ...

This has potential. :) But I think there are a couple things you could do to make it better. I'm not sure about your first few lines. I mean, the ...

Minor confusion. Rejkiv is not her brother, correct? Because he likes(?) our MC's sister (and our MC isn't thrilled about it). Right? Those are the vibes I'm getting right now, ...

Very nice. :) My thoughts going through: For a second I thought the list thing in the first paragraph of things that were going wrong were the two problems besieging ...

I love the first paragraph. XD Hin's whole narrative makes me laugh. I love your style. "the entire space echoing with battering and clacking and the wisps of thread up ...

I enjoyed this immensely. :) Nice job. My notes going through: I understand what you're trying to do with the repeating lines, trying to put them at the beginning and ...

"The long grass around me waves slightly in the wind. I imagine that from above it looks like rippling water, but laying in it they just looked like stalks of ...

My entry isn't makin' you doubt anything, lol. :) And since you gave me such a lovely review, I'm going to review your entry in return. ^^ A couple little ...