silentpages

I think this story has potential... It's got some interesting elements to it. Her crazy, serial killer mom, who tried to kill her brother. This new school. The kiss that ...

"She picked up the music box her father had given her on her 4th birthday" -- Woah, woah, woah. Wait a second. Last I checked, we were in the midst ...

Your review, my dear. ^^ Congratulations again on winning my blog contest. You deserve it. :) Disclaimer: Reviewing makes me sarcastic. And attemptively witty. And occasionally snarky. XD And I ...

"The cold night air raced past me as we moved against each other." Who's 'We'? Her and the night air, or is there another person present? "I was falling from ...

"Arthur awoke the next morning, his alarm clock blaring." Since we've changed perspectives, it sounds a bit odd to say 'the next morning'. I think you could just as well ...

Not a bad start. ^^ My notes going through: Most people would turn around when they hear a scream... You say that Drew doesn't because he knows what's happening already, ...

It's a good description... But it's just that. A description. Is this for a contest or something, where it needs to be 150 words? Because otherwise, I would suggest expanding ...

"Behind the mist my breath makes on the glass, the colours of the dress blur together; pink and white silk and lace trimmings smearing like the paints in a watercolour." ...

Dude. I love this song. XD My notes going through: "Maybe I would’ve managed today too if it weren’t for the fact that I’d done the same for the past ...

"or the baba'll throw you to the fishes." Ambassador fishes? 8D Something I forgot to say in my last review was how much I like the new information we're getting ...

"Mouths passed and seasons soon changed, with no sigh of Seth since that warm summer night. It was now fall and Alex had spent every night on the roof in ...

"every single time." Every single time what? When more ambassadors come, when she notices his scar, when they part ways? Tua interests me. :) Is his narrative supposed to be ...

I'm seeing a lot of telling in this, along with some passive language. "It was sunset in London." Show us the fading day, and the colors, and the London skyline ...

"I was born in a hospital in Washington," This isn't really something she would remember, is it? She can say it, yeah, but it feels weird to have it right ...

"what it looks like from the inside when a skyscraper is stuck in a cloud." Skyscrapers don't really move, so can they really be stuck? The cloud could be stuck ...