silentpages

" stroking the blade from above the fabric of my denim" This is phrased a bit oddly. Maybe say it a little more simply? Something like "feeling the flat of ...

Lots of potential here, I think. :) My thoughts going through: "-Removed-" This line seemed a bit odd to me. If I were you, I'd axe the 'What, is she ...

I like this plan. :)

Very good! This is a nice start to the story. Well written... If there are any major changes that need to happen, I didn't notice them. There are a couple ...

"It was a fateful day when the Congress of Man gathered the CXXXIVth time." This doesn't exactly grab me. It feels like you're trying too hard to be dramatic and ...

I have returned! 8D "The board burst into flames as the winning King destroyed the remainders of the violet pieces assembled across the board." Yeah... They go through a lot ...

"jump and hunch like a cornered rabbit." Hm... This might be fine, but maybe... Jump THEN hunch? *tries to hunch and jump at the same time.* "No wonder" No wonder ...

o3O This was... Sad. A bit odd. :/ Those were some interesting elements you had, especially in combination, and I think you did a good job staying true to them. ...

Yeah, so this kind of starts up right after the scene in the prologue, which means - to me - I'd say that the prologue is basically part of the ...

"Two Months Earlier" Earlier than what? This is the prologue. This is where we begin. The rest of your novel is going to be Two Months Later. Some tense issues... ...

I've come to review the second part of this! ^^ "I don’t need any hard goodbyes, anyone telling me to stay, and certainly not anyone questioning why I’m leaving." Who ...

I would love any feedback you have on this fantasy short story of mine. ^^ A name change and minor edits may be on the way, but I'd like a ...

In the beginning all I could think about was the show I used to watch when I was little, about Little Bear. It soon became clear, though, that this was ...

"Two softly painted parallel lines painted continuously" -- Painted and painted. Try to avoid using repetitive words in description. "Someone’s laughing, and fleetingly I think for what seems like t

Okay... So my main problem with this is that it's more of a summary than a story. You sound like you're telling us about a movie you saw the other ...