silentpages

"Cassius was searching for a man named Taka Toyama. Last time it had been Lee KiBum. The time before that, Jason Lau. It seemed his name changed as often as ...

“Stop being so naïve, Nerissa, and act in a way a princess should.,” A way a princess should sounds a little odd, just because of the a-a thing. Maybe say ...

"“I’m not,” Jade said smiling" Not what? ;) I'm going to assume you mean she's not leaving, but it sounds kind of odd to just leave it hanging there. At ...

Starting with a character waking up from a nightmare has been done a lot, but I think it could still work just as long as you do it well. It's ...

Im crazy and like having fun. That goes for about everybody here. :) But seriously, welcome to the site. ^^ My one year anniversary of joining is coming up towards ...

An interesting start... Potential... My thoughts going through: I'm not terribly fond of the title. It's kind of lame and childish, like some kid sitting at a campfire saying, "Okay, ...

You're my 100th post! 8D "I know that you should lean forward when shooting a handgun, I know that you should treat every gun as if it's loaded, to be ...

Very nice. :) As on the other piece of yours that I reviewed, I wasn't expecting this formating. I realized right away that it was the same person again. XD ...

"“Oh my god. “ She turned around to look at the man standing behind her. “Is that blue paint on his chest?” “I laugh young Myria. No, he had blue ...

"-Removed-" That line about her mom understanding that she has a life of her own? It bothered me a little bit the first time around, and here... I don't know, ...

Very nice job. :) I really liked this, and I thought it was really well-written. My thoughts going through: " a girl could only go so long without her mom ...

This was really good! Not what I was expecting... An interesting format, I guess, is what I mean. But good, I think. At least for this story. I liked the ...

I'm seeing a lot of repetition here... Words used over and over. Lot's of 'was', which makes your writing kind of passive, and makes it harder to get involved in. ...

"Sunlight streamed through the curtains like golden beams." Not 'like' golden beams. Sunlight IS golden beams. Like golden rivers? Sure! Golden spears? Wonderful! Or even if you just said 'golden ...

A nice start. :) My thoughts going through: "Pain seared across Alec’s palm, a brilliant light filled his vision." I think maybe more than a comma should separate these phrases... ...