shadowstorm

It's okay, but I think the words could carry more meaning. They feel kind of hollow. It jumps around a little, too, instead of flowing.

The moon shines black upon the earth, The forest filters starlight to death, And the mountains filled with mirth, Echo with the planet's breath. Rustle of the leaves, Wind through ...

The younger, Shadowed by the elder's light; The older, Answering the peoples' plight. Glows palely, Burns brightly; The moon comforts, The sun burns me. --------------------------------- A random litt

Cadmium is right. Any rhymes in that poem are unintentional. The season thing: I don't know where it came from in my mind exactly. Some sort of analogy for cycles ...

He's always been just a friend. His girlfriend is way over-territorial. The person I'm 'talking' to in the poem is the guy. 'She' is the girlfriend. I'll take a look ...

Thanks for the reviews and suggestions/corrections. The way I'm doing the prologue is kind of copying a scene from much later, so not a whole lot can be made clear ...

When did the storm clouds become so ominous? No; I know that life-altering day. A better question is why. Does she control your life now? Am I to be discarded ...

I like the ideas behind the story. They hint at interesting events to come. Immediately I am interested in the story.

Adrianna, though only an Initiate at the Mages’ Circle, was in the fight for her life. Her opponent stood halfway across the cave, obscured by a burning field of energy ...

It moves a bit quickly and could use some more organizing perhaps, but I believe it is a story with a lot of potential.

I like the word choice and descriptions. They really pull me in and make me care. They create an image in my mind. What could be better is the rhythm. ...

Sorry, but all I can say is to have as few programs running as possible. Maybe if you close some background things (CTRL+ALT+DEL, Processes) it would help, but if you ...

It seems like just yesterday, Yet feels like eternity. Even the frozen landscape Will mar its own beauty When static too long. Yet still we weep At the first patch ...

I agree with everyone about the rhythm and flow. The poem feels like everything has just poured out. To use a cliche, it's short and sweet!

I feel like I can really relate to it too because of what's happening in my life. Your word choice does a good job of helping me connect to the ...