shadowstorm

Are you sure this is "The only poem you will ever get out of me ever." because I think it was overall quite good. Don't give up if you think ...

I really like your poem. It strives to answer questions that many of us find within ourselves at one time or another in our lives. It takes us through the ...

Night engulfs the frozen land, Clouds hide starlight's icy band; Ocean tides swell, flooding hope, Struggling survivors struggle to cope, Only to sink in depthless sand. Time freezes in the ...

I totally understand the repeated words=better flow. That's like what I was saying, I believe--with how the repetition of words makes it draw me in. The way it sounds, feels, ...

Thanks. I'll consider lengthening it. Originally it was just the first two and last two lines, but I knew that was too short. I was able to stretch that out, ...

I liked the first two versions of the poem best. The reason why is how throughout the poems you kept using the same words frequently, like lust and owner. Something ...

I like how you chose to personify the fountain. I think the poem would flow better and hold people's attention better without so many sound effects put in though. A ...

Night engulfs the frozen land, Clouds hide starlight's icy band; Ocean tides swell, flooding hope, Struggling survivors struggle to cope, Only to sink in depthless sand. Life seems to be ...

It sounds like the poem holds a lot of pain. You did a good job with the metaphors. The end seems a little out of place with the rest of ...

Thanks. It's not a haiku though, but that's okay.

A dark cloud eclipses my heart The turmoil and pain, a warm sea I cannot find the sun.

Adding punctuation would definitely be good. That will help the fluency greatly. Other than that, I really like the poem. I can relate to it somewhat.

I agree with Mad. There are definitely strong emotions conveyed in your words, but the varying in length of the lines makes it a little choppy. Maybe if some of ...

Poor, lost, little, boy; Child without his blanket, Child without a single toy. Hiding from the hostile world, Hidden within his shell, Telling himself, As life around him swirled, "Surely ...

It's interesting, but kind of confusing. It makes a little more sense as you read further, though.