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Re: Unforgiven
I huddled in my bed, waiting. The sheets were drawn up over my head, and my halting breath quickly made the small enclosed space stifling. I listened, desperately tried to ...
Jun 28, 2009 -
Re: Chapter One of my currently untitled Work-In-Progress
I could find hardly anything wrong with this. I disliked the beginning - it didn't seem necessary, in fact, it was quite confusing :P But the following - loved it. ...
Jun 28, 2009 -
Re: Bride
Hey, I didn't like the flash back. To be honest, I just skimmed through it, not really reading it. I wanted to read more about the wolf in the woods, ...
Jun 28, 2009 -
Re: Polluted Lives
Firstly - I want to read more. Second, below are my thoughts. ------------ Crash after crash; swooping in to take its prey of sand out to sea **(this sentence confused ...
Jun 27, 2009 -
Re: An Angel Without Wings
Hey, liked your story. It had a nice sweet ending. I really was skeptical at the start - I didn't like the way it was written, and I really wasn't ...
Jun 27, 2009 -
Re: Maiko of Gion
Hi :) First off, decent story. I've read plenty of stories that don't use grammar or correct punctuation, so kudos to you. I hope what I've written below will help ...
Jun 27, 2009 -
Re: Preserved
Switching between first and third person doesn't work. Here's an example of what it sounds like: Jenny smiled at Mat. I smiled at Mat. "How're you going, Jenny?" The boy ...
Jun 15, 2009 -
Re: Dying, I have to add, isn't very fun.
It's a bunny!
Jun 15, 2009 -
Re: Extinguished
I'm actually surprised at how much we write alike. I swear to you that I wrote this two years ago, when I was 16 (it's quite obvious that this is ...
Jun 15, 2009 -
Re: Faceless
I actually read this a long time ago, but didn't critique it. ----------------- You crouch down behind bushes, behind bramble, behind undergrowth (was I behind anything else? Perhaps leaves, twigs ...
Jun 15, 2009 -
Re: Horror
It was in the walls. Sometimes she could hear rounds of short abrupt movements; scuffling and scurrying, dragging and scraping. Sounds that made her skin pimple with goosebumps and her ...
Jun 14, 2009 -
Re: Land of Total Randomness
Meanwhile in Amsterdam, Johnny Knoxville got high, rode his motorbike into the Gay Pride parade, and successfully assassinated Ford Prefect. . .
Apr 20, 2009 -
Re: 22 Days
Chapter One Status: Reconnection Made Patch sat down to his computer. The message sat dully on his screen. From: Patch To: Jai Subject: Hey Jai. . . Date: 01 Aug ...
Nov 22, 2008 -
Re: Destinies Entwined-prologue
*pulls face* You should edit this =p Before someone attacks you for being sloppy. I mean, you've had so many helpful reviews so far, and you haven't yet taken the ...
Nov 1, 2008 -
Re: Gossip and Lies
"In fact, I'm pretty sure I would be spreading more of the same rumours, just for spite. At my school, no one bothers to make rumours about people that aren't ...
Oct 18, 2008
