seeminglymeaningless

. . . you didn't have enough time to fix it up, yet you had enough time to put it into an anthology and waste critiquers time with a piece ...

First, unecessary use of enters in the beginning, but no paragraph enters at all makes for a large unreadable block of text. I understand that Microsoft Word automatically spaces sentences ...

I like the promise of the story ahead, but I didn't like the fawning people in the Somnium. It almost seems as if, if these people did that duty every ...

The Lady knelt on the cool marble tiles of the mosque, the followers of her cult kneeling with her in prayer, their heads hooded and in shadow, dressed in loose ...

Andonis reined in his mare and all but galloped with his men flanking him, into the village, hacking at any soldiers that were unlucky enough to be on the outskirts. ...

At first Favian dismissed the scream as playful childhood banter, but the feelings of pain, horror and anguish that he was feeling from the surrounding townspeople and what remained of ...

Deserves the front page display :) I also found that Smitty reminded me of Arthur Dent from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy (of 5 books), so the ...

Favian smiled at the small sleeping forms that lay in the two double beds of the room. After nearly a month of seeking, he had found nine children with the ...

The magus lived a very simple life in the Cruciot monastery within the mountains. They rose an hour before sunrise to the toll of the bell tower and attended mass ...

The presence that had always been in Andonis' head, that odd mental twinge that occured when Andonis was feeling any strong emotions, spoke up, < Calm >, it whispered before ...

I agree with Snoik, much much better. I think perhaps you should mention that the zombie turning didn't happen until, like, an hour prior to 3pm, so that it would ...

King Raiet passed the story on that he dallied once with a mistress of the street when his beloved wife died and that Andonis was the product that he had ...

The battle was scarcely mentioned in the country of Bazynteen except in whispers; it was a tragic loss of lives and to speak of it was said to bring about ...

I like the style, but I think they are being too cynical. Where are the adults/siblings? How far do they live away from each other than they can get to ...

I have to ask, I mean, you obviously can write, your writing style isn't bad, and you have the potential to be a good writer, but why? Why Twilight? Why ...