sealegs

I must admit, I don't believe I've ever seen the words "honey" and "violent" in the same pice before. That being said, I love the comparison and the addition of ...

Let's see what we've got. Lovely title. Made me want to read this. I had to look up the definition of 'irascible' which gives you bonus points for making me ...

First off, the 'you' of this poem goes from being absent to laying beside you. So I'm wondering if the tense should be looked. In other news, you've inspired some ...

I know it's rhymed poetry, but sometimes you write sentences in awkward word order to fit in a rhyme. For example, "sitting in a cafe, upon one end;/at a table". ...

I must give you props for putting it all out there. Poetry is supposed to be raw. Be personal. Unfortunately, it's not the kind of personal that other people like ...

Deleted for editing. Thanks for the reviews!

I love the first shot of the canary up close. The hand coming out of the dark and the yellow stark against the black. It's inspiring a poem, I believe.

I do not like the repeating of "Or so I thought". I actually think it should be removed. It's much too telling. So instead of talking to me, show me. ...

Remove three adjectives. Add three nouns.

I LOVE the opening line but the second line ruins it! I think it's pretty obvious that you're vulnerable if you're ankle deep and barefoot in a cold creek in ...

Hum...let's see. I think the first three stanzas are the weakest. What if you started this poem with, "Travel to the west"?

I agree. Take out the comma. Replace the semi-colon with a period. Write a better last line. You fall? Not enough seeing there.

Is the 'you' in the second stanza the same 'you' as the third? It's unclear. Otherwise, you've done well. I love the science / poetry overlap.

Try writing about crying without the word 'cry'.

Deleted for editing. Thanks again for the reviews!