sargsauce

he’s right to say that the army would not take one of us. But to tell you that he was the one who was sent away to war is a ...

I appreciate that you wanted to do something you thought was different. And though I've seen a fair share of suicide notes/letters from the dead/letters to the dead/etc etc on ...

Interesting. Well developed for what it is, but lacking in overall effect because both its beginning and end are totally unknown. It seems like everything you post in the short ...

Rather interesting resolution. However, your narration is struggling. The way you open and convey your thoughts, this was how I understood the story: 1) Woman watches husband in bed. "This ...

I regret to inform you...but this has no place here. This writing, at best, would only find its place on a facebook page or on a livejournal. This is a ...

Not my cup of tea, really. It reads in a pretty elementary way, which sucks any humor that might have been there. I realize that the taste in humorous writing ...

Your story is far too detached for us to feel what Ryan's feeling. The old brick building showed its age, and yet as he stepped through the main doors it ...

[Enter the devil's to speak] All right. Let's get down to this. First off, starting off your story describing the weather. While it's a means to set the story, it ...

This story is far too short to garner much interest. It's a generic narrator with generic suicidal tendencies with a generic insensitive mother and a generic solution to the problem. ...

Your words are definitely mature and thoughtful, I'll give you that. You take your time and want to describe it exactly without overdoing it. That's good. But writing about someone ...

I'm not here to do a full review, as I haven't really had the time to do that in weeks (BadNarrator appears to have done a splendid job in that ...

The truth of the matter is I’m evil. Archie was always good. This didn't mean anything in the course of the story. If anything, Archie's the evil one, it seems. ...

Only when I thought that the fainting would come. "Only when I thought I would faint" sounds better. "The fainting" makes it sound like repeated faintings. Like *faint* *get up* ...

First thing that comes to mind: Use names less. "Hi," Cru said. "Hi," Jess said. "How are you?" Cru said. Jess shrugged. Cru nodded. Jess nodded in response. It begins ...

An essential piece of a story is conflict. There is no conflict here. The main character doesn't want to achieve any goal throughout the piece, nothing is getting in his ...